Weekly Words Challenge 84 Continued!

Continued from yesterday, the words for this week were Arch and Purple.

Arch


Purple Water

Taken as we were passing under the Jacksonville Bridge.

(More Cruise Pictures!)

Three Generations


Atlantis








Bahama Bugs



Ropes On Boat


View of Nassau



Towel Animals



Tomorrow: I Heart Etsy!

Fat, Happy and Tan

You can quit making beer can towers on my counter. I'm home!

The cruise was awesome.

I got a burn tan, made a friend, laughed my ass off and took lots and lots of pictures. When we left for the ship on Thursday morning I was a little worried. Usually, I can only handle my Grandmother in small doses and chased with something strong and vodka flavored. But this trip wasn't bad. Whenever I felt my eyes rolling up into my head, I just looked over at the ocean and imagined throwing her into it. I keed.

We did a lot of overindulging- eating, sunbathing, sleeping, Nintendo DS playing. Mom bought us each "Animal Crossing" for the trip. The gist of the game is that you play a character (a little you) in a world filled with talking animals. Each game is relatively unique, with different maps and names and characters. Mine has a horse named Elmer in it. I'm still trying to figure out if that's a sick reference to glue or not. ;)

The ports were meh. Atlantis in Nassau was worth the $10 cab ride. But Freeport was just a collection of pretty palm trees and crappy souvenirs. We made the rounds so I could take pictures and then we headed back to the ship to swim. I know the destinations weren't the focus of this trip, but I kind of wish Mom's first cruise had been to somewhere a little more interesting. Then again, interesting to me usually means scooter rides with teenie tiny helmets.

All in all it was a fun trip. Now it's back to real life and the job hunt.

*Sigh*

What did I miss in your world?

P.S. Hoop just asked me if "Whale Rider" was fat people porn.

Off Again

I thought I'd have time to post Etsy links. But...

I'm leaving tomorrow for a Mother-Daughter-Granddaughter cruise to the Bahamas! I sure make this unemployment thing look like no fun, don't I? Don't be too jealous. This was planned and paid for a year ago, back when I had labors to enjoy the fruits of. Unfortunately, I'm running behind on my laundry and packing. So no Etsy links this week. If you're feeling froggy, you could always post some of your favorite Etsy links in the comment section below.

Or you could just raid the beer like everyone else.

Be back soon!

Weekly Words Challenge 81!

The words for this week were Home and Door. Many thanks to Jay for hosting in my absence last week! Have patience with me today. I have a lot of catching up to do and a four hour meeting with Worksource this afternoon. But I'll be by as soon as possible!

How did you interpret them?

George Washington's Home



Awesome Doorway


(Easter)





(Washington DC: Obligatory Tourist Photos)





(Washington DC: Wish Tree)


"I wish everyone would realize that we're all in this together."

"I wish for an endless supply of mustard."

(Washington DC: Other)

Nap


Ceiling (Library of Congress)


Vietnam Veteran Memorial


Korean War Memorial


Smithsonian Mural


Bender!


Cherry Blossoms


Coat Statue


If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details. We also have a Flickr group for easy shareability. Not only do you get to add "Lowly Foon" to your resume, but you get to find out the new words at least an hour earlier. Happy snapping!

The words for next week are:
R
and
Angry

Tomorrow: I Heart Etsy

Things I Learned On My Spring Break

1. You know there's something wrong with you when you annoy a five year old.
2. Never ask a senile person to keep a secret. They wont.
3. Hiding a joke Easter egg with the word "Sucker" written in it isn't very funny if the person who finds it is too young to read.
4. Don't go to Washington D.C. with someone who is of the opposite political party than you. Unless you like to argue.
5. Riding in subway cars is fun until someone pukes.
6. Just because a museum is free, doesn't mean the food there won't cost you a small fortune.
7. A $6 cookie does not taste like gold or rainbows or better than a $2 one.
8. It's always great to be home... unless you forgot to take the trash out before you left.

More soon!

So, what did I miss in your world?

My Beer Is Bad

So don't drink it while I'm gone, OK? I'm serious. It could make you drunk.

Pickled Beef will be closed from Thursday the 9th through Thursday the 16th. We're headed to Tennessee (again) for Easter and then to Washington D.C. directly after. Unlike *Kutner, I have no plans to fake my own suicide. I'm just going there for a vacation. Although I'll be honest, if we tour the White House, I'm going to wear my good underwear. The wonderful and awesomest Jay of Cynical Bastard has agreed to host the WWC in my stead. So go check out his blog next Tuesday. As if you weren't going over there already. Pfft.

*Coming out next fall, "Harold and Kumar go to White House."

While I'm away, please refrain from dressing the dogs in drag or prank calling various ex-somethingorothers with our landline. The last time you did that, we got egged twelve times. Ok, that was a lie. It was once, with one egg and they totally missed the house. True story! For a moment, Hoop thought a bird had dropped it. If you don't hear from me again, the Langoliers got us. Feel free to ransack the blog for valuables. Have a great week Homebloys! I'll see you on the flipside.

Off The Grid

Your comments from Wednesday's post were priceless, guys! As much as I love writing, my favorite part of blogging has always been hearing what you have to say. Hoop and I discuss your lives over dinner and drives and most definitely NOT during sex. That would just be creepy. But every time else! I'll pop my head out from the computer room and shout, "Do you know what Cynical Jay just said?" or "Oh no! Knight lost her job too." And he'll know, he'll know exactly who I'm talking about. I'll lean over breakfast and casually tell him, "So Mamatulip was talking about porn and..." He doesn't even bat an eye.

"Mike, the guy with the awesome bike," or "Allison, my friend who's the whiz at Photoshop," are all permanent titles. Hoop knows you. I don't need to give some characterizing detail. But I do anyway. They're household names. Your blogs are like houses on our street. I thank you for that, for always being there when I need you, no matter how crazy your own lives are. Hoop and I are leaving for Tennessee until Wednesday. I hate leaving the blogosphere, even for five days. But I know this thing doesn't run for me alone. So take care of each other. Tuesday's WWC post will be automated. But don't let that keep you from submitting!

I'll be back soon.

Mrs. Hoop (and Mr. Tink)

I know you all have been patiently waiting for updates and pictures...

...but you're going to have to wait just a little bit longer.

Please, lower the pitchforks.

The wedding was wonderful. Other than a stubborn breeze keeping us from lighting our unity candle, the ceremony and reception went off without a hitch. My only disappointment was that no one saved me any cake. I think someone *cough*Hoop*cough* should buy me another to compensate. The honeymoon was amazing, full of beautiful sights and adventures (and just a couple of misadventures). Details and pictures to come. Work has me buried, and since I'm currently the sole breadwinner of this little family, I'm inclined to not lose my job. I know, life isn't fair.

I was reminded of that when we got home from the boat and I realized I was going to have to cook again. Then this morning, I dropped a towel on the floor and remembered that no one would be by later to pick it up and replace it with a fresh one. Bummer. Hoop thinks the solution to cruise withdrawal is to go on another, like, immediately. His idea is that we should sell everything and live in our car. Then we can stash all the money we make from our jobs to afford going on a cruise once a month. When I asked him what we would do in our car for entertainment (not to mention eating, washing, or going to the bathroom) he said, "stare at each other".

Oof. Here I go again, making a quick update into a rambling post. So, what did I miss in your world? I missed you guys! I see the beer is still here... Well, at least the cans are. Thanks again to the wonderful and amazing Jay for hosting the WWC. Come back here tomorrow for the newest edition. Later this week, I'll update you on the wedding and honeymoon. I'll probably stretch it out for a few posts. Believe me, you want this in doses. As a bonus, I might tell you about my kick ass bachelorette party (pending the girlfriends/bloggers who threw it for me don't mind).

P.S. For those who, like my coworkers, are inclined to ask if I feel different... I got married; I didn't get a face lift. Although I have to admit, Mrs. Hoop is going to take a bit of getting used to.

My Mom Loves Gay Techno

Which is either a fantastic title for a book, or a great reason for group therapy.

Ever since I bought my Mom an Ipod for her birthday, we've been swapping music on a weekly basis. For the most part we like the same stuff. Scary, I know. Did I mention that my Mom owned an Eminem CD before I did? Don't worry, we're beyond that now. Lately our lists have been peppered with artists and groups like Spoon, Yoav, Hellogoodbye, and Lily Allen. But every once in awhile, in the middle of a perfectly normal playlist, my Mom will throw in something completely different...

Gay techno.

I'm not using that term figuratively either. I mean no offense. I used to live with a bunch of gay clubbers. One of the guys used to borrow my clothes and the sad part was, he looked better in them than I did! Every night it was the same music, the same bubblegum beats. I have a vision permanently burned into my memory of the chubby one dancing around the house singing "Simon saysssss, 'Take off your clothes!'" And now here those songs are again, embedded in my perfectly boring mix of alternative and pop.

It's like biting into a black licorice jelly bean when you thought it was blueberry. "Tell me you're joking. You're joking, right?" I asked Mom the first time it came up. She laughed, admitting her strange obsession and said, "Aren't they great?" No, they're not. They're weird. The other day I was happily listening to Beck and all of a sudden a song titled, "What heterosexual males fear the most" popped up. I wish I was making that up. The group is Delphinium Blue. Check it out and tell me if I'm wrong. I'm working on an intervention.

Speaking of interventions, a male coworker pulled me aside yesterday to confess something... He doesn't like my shoes. Apparently, my super-comfy Easy Spirit sandals are "old ladyish" and only fit for "garden work". But it took ten minutes of buildup to figure out what he was even confessing to in the first place. He started out with the whole spiel of "Don't be offended. I'm only saying this to you because I consider you a friend. Friends don't let friends look stupid, right?" I was starting to get scared that maybe I had some kind of gross stain on my pants.

Like that time [name removed] sharted and told us he'd sat in chili. But no, my only offense was wearing unhip and ugly shoes. I am never going to hear the end of this from my two favorite fashion-savvy homebloys. Yeah, you know who you are. Please, no citations! After I got over the shock, and then the relief, I hit him with my best WTF?! face. How dare he! I don't talk to him about his outdated, stripe-down-the-side 90's dress shirts! Can you feel my outrage? I'm mentally punching him in the face with every "!" mark. Take that! And that! And that!

But you all didn't come here to hear about my Mom's weird fetish for Gay Techno, or my ridiculous shoe intervention, or even the fact that my pants are wearing out in the ass pockets. Surely a sign that I have too much junk in the trunk. You came here to hear about the rest of my vacation. Well it all seems rather anticlimactic now. I'll give you the inebriated abbreviated version. The day after we bought the car, Hoop and I heard the death cries of our starving bank account and decided not to spend any more money for the rest of our vacation.

We opted to check out some local parks instead. The first stop we made was to a little known forest that was mainly used for horseback riding. About halfway in, we realized the map we'd snagged from the park stand was five years old and completely outdated. In short, we were lost. After about an hour of hiking in the Florida sun, with no other hikers in sight, Hoop decided to air out his "boys". This followed him stripping off his shirt. Not to be outdone, I decided to strip my shirt and bra as well. We walked like this for at least forty-five minutes, grinning like fools and carrying our clothes.

Then something blue flashed ahead. I dropped to the ground, scrambling to untangle my bundle of clothes. "What is it?" Hoop asked, not even perturbed. It was two horseback riders. They were on a different trail, but still in plain sight of us. Fortunately, neither of us were seen (I hope) and we eventually found the end to the trail. All that stripping of clothes though led to some interesting tan marks in varying degrees. I think next time we'll bring sunblock... and perhaps a better map... and maybe some lube.

Darling Belladonna

Hoop and I were already pretty high on the anticipation of our upcoming vacation when Nash suggested we go out drinking. So maybe I wasn't as careful to milk my drinks as I normally do. Within the first half hour I was feeling the effects of the martinis, which turned out to be less rum-and-pineapple and more rum-with-pineapple-garnish. The three boys, who were only drinking beer, had to clear a pitcher each just to catch up. "I have to call Allison when I'm drunk." I reminded them repeatedly. "I PROMISED." "I think you're already drunk." Hoop laughed.

Finding no reason to disagree, I dialed her number. Unfortunately, Allison was also out drinking and couldn't hear her phone over the music. Nash suggested I sooth my itchy finger by drunk dialing the President instead. Even tipsy I wasn't foolish enough to do it. So I handed my phone over to Nash and Bob instead. Hoop's convinced the FBI is tracking us now. "White house," A female voice answered. "Yeah, I'm trying to get ahold of President Bush," Nash said politely. "Their offices are closed until Monday morning, 9 am." "What time do they open Monday morning?" Bob slurred.

"9 am." There was an edge to her voice now. "How long is the average wait time to speak to a liaison?" "You really need to speak to the staff on Monday, sir." Bob, clearly losing focus, asked her what time the office opened again. "I already told you that." The rep was starting to get pissed. "I'm sorry ma'am. I have bad reception. I have Cingular." Then he thanked her, told her he loved her and hung up the phone. If anyone else is interested in making a total ass out of themselves to some poor sap stuck answering the President's phone on a Saturday night, call this number: 1-202-456-1414.

Afterward, we took pictures pretending to destroy things around town...


Hey look, a floating door!

On our way back toward the house, we crossed paths with a bum. "Spare a dollar?" He asked. "What will you do for it?" Bob called back. I think it's pretty obvious who our instigator is now. The bum wobbled on the spot, obviously drunk. "Could we get a picture with you? Or maybe a video?" Nash suggested. "I'll tell you a poem!" We all snickered. I honestly expected something along the lines of Dr. Seuss. What came out instead was simply shocking. I've translated it below for you. The video was far too dark to post. I've researched and it doesn't appear to be something published. I call it "Darling Belladonna". Enjoy. I'll have more stories for you tomorrow!

On the street it's straight.
Western philosopher living in an Eastern world.
Dividing illusion from reality.
On the path to becoming enlightened.
The door to another galaxy.
A white dove flying at night.
Zig-zags out of perception-
-and hands you the key to knowledge.
An hourglass ticking and running low.
Following the steps and seeds of destiny.
Performing acts of respect for power-
-in a manner of natural assurance.
His boiling mind, it stands out far like a tunnel.
A vision of illness within a star.
Bringing him further into the world-
-of the protector and the hidden.
Wide awake with horror, with fear.
Recalling recollections of an ancient time.
Swimming through dreams of sparkling light.
Down to the gates of eternity.
And by the way darling Belladonna.
Open your hands so we can dance.

Have A Lousy T-Shirt

Although you all went relatively easy on my blog (the beer can statue in my likeness was a nice touch) I can't say the same for my office. When I walked in this morning it looked like a filing cabinet had regurgitated on my desk. The secretary blamed it on Gremlins. I'm still suspicious. The vacation was wonderful. I'm still in shock that it's over. I actually tried to stop time last night. After several minutes of silence, I was almost convinced that I'd succeeded. Then the dogs barked and Hoop yelled something about laundry and the world continued spinning. Oh well.

Several amazing, wonderful and unbelievable things happened over the last week. We bought a car. We called the President. We got a bum to recite us poetry. We walked in a forest naked. We drank and laughed and watched tons of movies. We went to an amusement park, drunk dialed a fellow blogger, and attended a crazy 80's party. I learned how to drive a stick. We finally booked our honeymoon. I wish I had time to tell it right. Not today. Wednesday, hopefully. For now there's work to do and blogs to catch up on. Not to mention the business of thawing out the underwear in the freezer. Six pairs! You all have outdone yourselves.

So tell me, what did I miss?

Tinkapalooza

"Is it sinking in yet?" Hoop asked me at lunch over the phone.

"Seeing as I'm still at work? No."

I wish his enthusiasm was contagious. I'd gladly rub up against him to catch it. We're on vacation next week. Surprise! I didn't tell you because I wasn't looking forward to the crying and carrying on. Oh who am I kidding? You guys are going to raid the liquor cabinet as soon as I leave. So help me Flying Spaghetti Monster, if I find underwear in the freezer again- Jay, I'm looking at you babe. I would also like to note that keg stands must be done OUTSIDE. The dog's dish is not a barf receptacle and please, no drunk dialing the local nunnery to say you've spotted Jesus in the bathroom of the titty bar... again.

I should be excited about these next nine days off. But I'm not. Despite my persistent nagging requests, plans were never agreed on for what we'll be doing. So I don't really feel like I have anything to look forward to. You can only play Grand Theft Auto in your skivvies for so long before even that gets old. Shocking, I know. It doesn't help that my company's 25 year old graphics girl just left for a two month backpacking trip around Europe (funded by her parents). She was so excited when she left that she was actually crying. This is me pretending not to be bitter.

I mean, so what if we're the same age and I've never been to the left side of our country let alone OUT of it? I can have just as much fun sitting around in my own stink for nine days, right? Right? Yeah, shut up. I'm sure I'll be pleasantly surprised. While I'm away, Birdman is in charge of guarding the blog from clowns. Chelle, I need you to keep everyone supplied with cute Brendan conversation. Knight is in charge of feeding the Oompa Loompas. Corky, you have my permission to shamelessly plug the comment section with campaigns to get people to vote for you as king of the blogoverse.

P.S. The WWC should proceed on Tuesday as scheduled. No worries.

P.P.S. My Mom emailed me this morning with this [not work safe] under the subject-line "Rugby". No warning. Just, "Rugby". Imagine my disbelief when I clicked the video link on the bottom of the page and witnessed a bunch of guys belting out "Singing In The Rain" NAKED. I've never seen so many jiggly bits at one time! Um, thanks Mom.

See ya on the flip side Homebloys!

Where Was I?

Oh yeah...

Vacation Recap Continued:
23. Sunday afternoon, the entire family met at Hoop's Nanny's house for linner (lunch/dinner) and an egg hunt.
24. I'd never participated in an adult egg hunt before, but knowing how competitive Hoop's family is, I was determined not to be outdone.
25. As soon as we got the green light, I charged ahead for an egg two feet in front of me...
26. ...and slammed head first into Hoop's ape of a cousin, Adam.
27. Our heads knocked together like two coconuts, with Adam as the victor. "Mine!" He cackled while shoving me aside effortlessly.
28. After ten minutes of combing the field, all the regular eggs had been found. There was still no sign of the prize egg though.
29. "It's attached to a green string!" Hoop's Dad announced. We collectively groaned and went back to picking through the acre of bright green grass.
30. "It's in this corner!" He announced five minutes later. We all huddled together, bumping elbows and kicking at the ground with our feet.
31. I looked up to see Hoop's Dad grinning at me. It had to be close. Then Hoop's aunt reached down and pulled the green string from below my foot. I had been standing on the hole it was buried in the entire time!
32. She deserved it though. It was the first prize egg she'd ever found in the fifty-plus years they'd been doing it.
33. But next year... it's MINE!
34. We arrived at Hoop's Dad's cabin at ten am on Saturday morning. Neither of us had gotten more than four hours of sleep, but Hoop's family was just starting their day.
35. Not wanting to be killjoys, we decided to forgo sleeping and stay up with the family instead. Still, I didn't mind declining when Hoop's Dad implored me to go check something out with them an hour away. "Get back in the car?! No way."
36. I decided to walk up the mountain instead. About half way down the road I noticed a dead animal up ahead. I didn't want to look at it, but the close proximity of the mountain drop-off required I walk right next to it.
37. "Is it a deer?" I thought sadly. As I got closer the shape started to take a little more form. My heart dropped. It was a dog.
38. I was a foot away when it raised it's head and barked at me.
39. My scream echoed off the mountain for at least a minute. At least.
40. I named him "NOT Dead Dog." Surprisingly, he came to it. Isn't he cute?


Have a fantastic weekend Homebloys!

Reverse Recap

Vacation Recap:
1. You know you're getting road weary when the car you've been driving behind for two hours gets off at an exit and you think, "Why doesn't he like me anymore?!"
2. After pulling an all-nighter Friday, I wasn't too keen on repeating the eleven hour drive Monday morning. So Hoop and I decided to break up the drive between Sunday night and Monday afternoon with a comfy hotel stay in between.
3. At least that's what I THOUGHT the plan was. Hoop the great money saver had other ideas.
4. After driving from eleven until one in the morning, I decided to nap and let Hoop drive for a bit. "Wake me when we're ready to get a hotel."
5. I woke up at three to find us parked at a rest stop.
6. Sweaty, sore and still in a face full of greasy make-up, I shoved Hoop over and angrily decided to continue driving.
7. Hoop woke at six to find us still on the road and only three hours from home. My eyes were like Moonpies.
8. He wisely decided we should pull over and get a hotel room. Never has a bed felt so damn good!
9. The next afternoon, since we were so close to home already, we decided to explore Hoop's old college town for a few hours.
10. First stop was the college. The next stop was a cow field Hoop used to go shrooming in. No shrooms. But Hoop DID manage to find some ticks as he was crawling back over the fence.
11. As we were leaving I noticed a sign at the entrance to the field. "CAUTION: WASTEWATER COLLECTION AND TREATMENT"
12. "Huh," Hoop said. "No wonder those shrooms were so big."
13. Nasty.
14. Despite protests from Hoop's Dad and brother, we decided to leave late on Sunday night. We had hoped to avoid traffic.
15. We were coming up to a hill smack dab in the middle of nowhere when I looked to the horizon and told Hoop, "It looks like the sky is on fire."
16. It wasn't. It was the lights of about thirty emergency vehicles reflecting off the trees. I thought the world was ending.
17. The road was blocked off by cones at the top of the hill, but we could see all the way down to the bottom and beyond. It was an ocean of ambulances, firetrucks and police cars.
18. Hoop pulled up to a truck that had just pulled over, light-bar flashing. "What's going on?" He asked the middle-aged gentleman who got out. "Is there a way around this?"
19. The man puffed up with self-importance. "I don't know. As you can see, there's been an accident. I'm needed over THERE." His wife hopped out of the truck behind him with a video camera.
20. We turned around and took refuge in a church parking lot. Another man was there, surveying the scene from his truck. "What happened?" Hoop asked.
21. The guy was tanked. "Car flipped," he slurred. "I uh... got there just after it happened."
22. I don't know what bothered me more, the fact that all this fuss was over one lone car or that the dude parked next to us might have caused it.

More tomorrow!

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: Just a moment. I have to find the right tape.
New Employee: Tape! You mean you guys are still using VHS?
Tink: Yup, afraid so.
New Employee: Are you even old enough to remember tapes?
Tink: Here it is.
New Employee: I bet I'm a lot older than you, huh?
Tink: Let me just rewind this.
New Employee: What are you, twenty-one? Twenty-two?
Tink: Here's the test. Let me know when you finish.
New Employee: But you have to be older than eighteen, right?
Tink: Good luck.
New Employee: Wait-
Tink: *Leaves and shuts door*
New Employee: -What am I doing again?
...
New Employee: HELLO?

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
Why does our society encourage old people to buy RVs? They can't even manage normal sized vehicles!

Hello Open Road

Good-bye ability to poop.

Maybe I should start eating bran now.

Feel free to loiter while I'm gone. But word to the wise, I've booby trapped the beer *cough*Jay, the porn *cough*Edge, and the numbers to all my hot friends *cough* Van and R.E.H.. While I'm gone Chris' cats are in charge. Jo, your job is to look hot. Brody, you're in charge of providing the funny. If anything goes wrong, contact Hilary. She'll be outside taking pictures of local wildlife, i.e. armadillos and rednecks. Everyone else, just don't touch that big red button...

I said DON'T TOUCH IT!



See you on Tuesday Homebloys!

All Fun And No Work

Hoop and I decided to pick the bananas...

But then we couldn't figure out what to DO with them.

So there are bananas in my laundry room now. It's like a Ghetto Ripening Center.

Is it obvious we have no idea what we're doing?

Heaven On Earth


Devil's Eye


Tube Trail


Spring Water


Baby Possum


Talk To The Tail


Shoe Fetish


Sticker Heads


Fridge Update: The neighbor stopped by on Thursday, but left before Hoop could make it outside. He hasn't been back since. We plugged Christine in that night. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't work. The back looks like it's been torn into. We think he might have pulled out the parts he needed and was hoping he could run a scam and get his money back. Yeah, I don't think so. So it looks like Christine is getting a new home... at the landfill. Hopefully she'll stay there this time.

So, what did I miss?