Friday, February 17, 2006

Farewell Friend

Smoke 'em if you got 'em: I'm throwing away the ashtrays tonight and cleaning out my car. The thought of tomorrow gives me an anxiety attack. Mom is in full blown panic mode. Hoop, ever the stoic one, is acting as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening. He's been a lot more distracted though, smoking as if the world were ending tomorrow and not just our life as smokers. We've all made pacts not to take anything personally for the next two weeks. Still... I'm hiding all the knives.

Dear Cigarette;

It's been the best of times and the worst of times. I knew our union had to end eventually. You're killing me. The first time we met, I was partying with your cousin Mary Jane. She was a wild gal, always getting me into trouble. Meeting you was like a breath of fresh air. Well, maybe not fresh. But unlike your cousin, I could hang with you and not end up forgetting where the hell I parked the car. You showed me around town and hooked me up with all your underage rebel supporters. Knowing you made us feel cool.

Over time our friendship aged. I became dependent on you. You were always my first contact when things got stressful or complicated. Somehow you always made me feel better. But I've come to realize that this relationship isn't healthy. I'm constantly giving you money and in repayment you make me sick. I light your fire and you make me stink. You're an outcast in restaurants, only accepted at bars. When I drink with you, you lose your head and burn the people around you. It's time to put this friendship to rest.

Please don't show up at my house again. Don't try to get to me through Hoop, with all your seductive ploys. Don't use our mutual friend, Coffee, to remind me of how much I adored our gatherings. Let me mourn the loss without you creeping in while I am weak. It's OVER. Thank you for all the friends you've introduced me to while hanging out on breaks. Thank you for bringing Hoop and I together. Fortunately, we have much more in common then that now. It's been an experience I'll never forget.

Sincerely;
Tink


Daily Hoop Conversation:
(Hoop limps along as we walk down town)
Tink: What's wrong with you?
Hoop: I pulled a muscle while at work.
Tink: Aw babe!
Hoop: I'm OK.
Tink: You don't look OK.
Hoop: I'm fine. Quit looking at me like that.
Tink: Like what?
Hoop: With pity. I have my pride you know.
Tink: Don't talk to me about PRIDE, buster. I've smelled your shit.
...
Tink: What are you doing?
Hoop: I'm trying to get away from you.
Tink: Haha. You can limp but you cannot hide!

Friday Funnies: Check out this site, detailing
"The Worst Jobs In History." Any one of these will give you a newfound appreciation for your current job. It could always be worse. You could be a Leech Collector. Bleh.

Have a great weekend all!

34 Comments:

At 17 February, 2006, Blogger V said...

I LOVE your letter. Too funny too....I was mentally composing a letter to the Djarum company last night in my head. Of course it was a little more retarded like "Please package single cigarettes so that I can still have one once in a while without having a whole pack stare at me"....but yuh know....still!
Good luck. I keep thinking I'm quitting and then I go all fucking mental. And it just makes me think...was I happy before I smoked? Mental, I tell yuh!

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Yay, Tink! Good for you!

And now I will provide you with some tips and suggestions from someone who never smoked, me, so that you can vent and get out all your quitting-smoking frustrations by telling me to shut the hell up and that I have no idea what I'm talking about:

1. Get lots of bunches of mini-flowers and little vases and put them all over the house where your ashtrays used to be.

2. Gum. Sugarless gum.

3. Go outside a lot this weekend. Fresh air! No sitting around with Hoop, staring at each other, and thinking of cigarettes. Go take walks and run around and play.

4. Put aside all the money you would otherwise be spending on ciggies and let it accumulate and then buy yourself something wonderful--a nice piece of clothing, something pretty for the house--a vacation? Perhaps in June, with your blog friends? Hmmmmmm? No pressure, or anything.

Oh, and go out to dinner tonight!

Good luck!

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

You should probably move here (Minneapolis, Minnesota) - no smoking in bars. Please ignore the fact that it's -8F (not counting windchill) right now...

Sending you Chaotic strength thoughts.

 
At 17 February, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

GOOD LUCK! I know you can do it. The first week is bad, just keep telling yourself that it gets a little better every day and chew lots of gum. I swear it helps. Every time you pop a new piece in your mouth, which will be often, tell yourself you are saving money and doing something good for your body.
PS You can use this as an excuse to have more sex with Hoop as a deterrent when either of you get a craving.

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

V: LOL! Mom and I were just talking about that this morning. What if we go all psycho and need a fix? Why can't we just buy 1? Maybe we could have one and throw away the rest of the pack? Because eventually the cost alone would be a deterrent. Oh yeah, we're basket cases.

Arabella: I'm definitely taking your advice on the saving bit and a nice dinner tonight. Fortunately Hoop and I never smoked IN the house so there's no pressure there. It's going to be nice and sunny this weekend so I'm hoping to get us out and moving. If we're moving forward we might not be able to strangle each other. ;)

Chris: Oooh, cold and I don't mix. In fact we're pretty much mortal enemies. I think you should move to Florida and keep me in line.

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

TB: Hoop's already pulled the sex card. "So... Can we have sex everytime I crave a cigarette?" Do you know how often that would be?! I'd have to be hospitalized lol. Thank you for the well wishes. I'm going to buy stock in gum.

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Best of luck to you both!! It will be so worth it in the long run.

Worst job: Don't be a Wattle and Dauber. You have to play with animal shit. Sounds awful.

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger Carrie said...

Your letter is awesome.

My encouraging words can be summed up in a single line from the movie Water Boy.. "You kin Doo IT!"

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

I love your letter. GOOD LUCK!!

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger ragingmom said...

I'll be thinking of you!! I quit in August, then started again, but you've got me motivated to try again.

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger geenalyn said...

LOVE your letter!! Good luck

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

You should re-think the having-sex-every-time-you-get-a-craving-think. It's more enjoyable than sitting there glaring at each other while you try to remember where you hid the knives, and if you do end up hospitalized, at least they won't let you smoke there!

Actually I think whenever you get a craving you should write another blog post. Write lots and lots of blog posts...You'll be kicking your addiction while feeding ours!

Seriously, though, Good luck!

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger EE said...

That was awesome. GREAT letter. LOL

GL Tink!!!

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger mE said...

ROFL!!!! I had *exactly* that conversation with the Pirate recently!! :D

I'm pulling for you, Tinkdear - you are stronger than the cancer sticks, don't pay attention to their siren smoke signals!

Oh, and by the way... knitting is a well-known and effective management tool for quitting smoking, did you know that? It gives you something socially acceptable to do with your hands and an excuse for being quiet when you need to do so ("I'll answer in a minute. I'm concentrating on this hard row.") and for swearing when you need to do so ("Dropped a @#*@ stitch!!")

Yeah, okay, I'm trying to palm a new addiction off on you, but unless you are allergic to wool, it's a healthy one... more or less...
;D

~Eileen

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Hmm, Hoop's "let's have sex everytime we crave cigarettes" could get awkward in the coffee shop, at work, while driving, etc. ;)

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger Peevish said...

:)

I quit smoking years ago, and I'm so glad I did!

My husband offered me the same deal, btw: whenever I craved a cigarette, he'd be more than happy to take my mind off it ifyouknowwhatImean. So self sacrificing of him!

 
At 17 February, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

ha Mary Jane, my hubby and his bussies called it firewood - let's go check out the firewood guys....Foresters!!!

Congratulations and good luck on quitting the smoking. Remember, if you do have one, it does not mean you can give up!

I think it is amazing you are kicking the habit and I am rooting for you guys!

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger Iamadesigner said...

Love the letter. It's great to add some official closure to the habit. Stay strong-I'm rooting for you!

 
At 18 February, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

GOOD LUCK TINK! I know you can do it. I'm rooting for you guys!

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

GO Tink and Hoop and Tink's mom!!!

You guys will do great! Thinking happy thoughts for you this weekend, as you might not have many of your own....

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger eric said...

that making friends during the smoke break part will be hard, i bet.

i used to buy a pack of cigarettes just because my work wouldn't give me breaks for no state purpose, but they let the smokers take smoke breaks.

e+

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

I used to smoke when I was your age, too (God, "when I was your age?" Could I sound like MORE of an old fart?) and I gave it up pretty much right after I found out I was preggers with #1.

Of course, I sort of restarted a little between pregnancies, but I think last time I kicked it for good.

So I'll be pulling for you. It's tough sometimes, but just take it day by day. Or even minute by minute. Oh, and Arabella's tips are top-notch.

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Good luck to you guys, Tink. When I was smoking I was always one of those guys who annoyed the addicted because, on the one hand, I could take 'em or leave 'em, only getting the urge when I was out with a group having a couple brews; and on the other hand, because I never had any of my own.

"Can I bum one of those from you?"

I'm sure you've heard that one before.

All that ended when I caught a dose of cancer about five years ago. Oh, it wasn't smoking-related, but it just struck me as kind of silly to dodge a bullet and then paint a bull's eye on my chest. So I gave 'em up.

These days, I don't get out to bars much, and no one I know smokes so I don't even miss it.

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger Janet said...

Great letter! Good luck!

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger Melissa said...

Love the letter! You rock.

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

Great post. I hope you make it. Focus on the side effects of the Wellbutrin.

You should watch Dirty Jobs on TLC. Definitely makes you appreciate the job you have.

 
At 18 February, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

How is it going???? Have you and Hoop killed each other yet?

 
At 19 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Holy shit guys. This is seriously the WORST shit I've ever gone through. I honestly don't know if I can do it. All day I've been in a fog, totally unable to smile. Currently I've been crying for two hours straight. Hoop keeps joking about having me committed.

My Mom caved around 3 today after screaming at my brothers and stepdad. Hoop and I ended up sharing a half a cig around 5/6. But it was totally unsatisfying and made me feel crazed on top of guilty.

Its almost 1am and sleep will not find me. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Please pray that tomorrow is better. If it's not I may have to try a different route besides Wellbutrin and hard candy. I can't work like this come Monday.

Oh and get this shit... I've been too depressed to actually enjoy the increase libido. Ugh. Poor poor Hoop.

 
At 19 February, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Sorry!!! I was like that after coming off of a coffee addiction. Probably couldn't be as bad as yours though. Stick to it - the first couple of days will be the worst.

 
At 19 February, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

Congrats on the quitting smoking!! I've never tried but I've always heard it's increadibly hard!! Good luck!!

 
At 19 February, 2006, Blogger Alessandro_PPG said...

Hy! Parabéns pelo blogger! Congratulations!

 
At 19 February, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

What a fantastic letter! So clever. Good luck ... and I love arabella's idea about flower vases in place of the ashtrays!

 
At 19 February, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Hang in there, kiddo--we're all behind you...

 
At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Brooke said...

I'm so sorry it's so hard. My addicition happens to be food, but hey, an addiction's an addiction.

Do the best you can. Chew a lot of gum. And lean on us for support. We know you can do it!

 

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