Monday, February 20, 2006

Hell and Back

Five things I need to unload:
1. Thank you all for your endless support! I can't possibly express how much it helped this weekend.
2. You'll all be glad to know that Hoop is still alive.
3. But now he starts every conversation with, "I'm not trying to piss you off."
4. Quitting smoking is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. It damn near drove me insane the first day.
5. I know this because I had thoughts like, "I wish they made a cigarette perfume. Then I could psych myself out by smelling like I just had a cigarette."'

I'm not CURED. I still need a cigarette around noon, about the time my nerves start to unravel. But that's 90% better than I thought I'd be able to do after the traumatic start I had on Saturday. Yesterday morning I was a blubbering mess, wailing that I was never going to feel happy again. I'll be honest, I had been cocky on Friday. I thought it would be so much easier than it turned out. I NEVER anticipated the emotional low I would hit.

I went out and bought a pack of cigarettes after that. Hoop and I both smoked one and I trashed the pack. That was 12:30 yesterday. I haven't needed one since. We went to my Mom's for the day. I laughed and felt happier than I had in days. It gave me hope that I CAN do this. I CAN feel happy again. I got my libido back last night, much to Hoop's relief. It's a start. I'm not going to say this will be a cake walk from here on out. It may possibly get worse. But for the moment I'm confident. Today is the only day that matters today.

Tongue Twisters: Evidently when you quit smoking, the pathway from your brain to your mouth malfunctions temporarily. Here are some things that were said over the weekend.

Acadobe: Adobe
Slulshing: Slushie
Ninernet: Internet
Nodem: Modem
Adcademic: Academic
Coffic: Coffee
Morote: Remote

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: Isn't a Mule the product of a Horse and a Donkey?
Tink: Uh huh, and a Liger is the product of a Lion and a Tiger.
Hoop: There's no such thing as a Liger! They made that up on Napoleon Dynamite.
Tink: No, they're real. I think the name flips depending on whether the Lion was the Mom or the Dad.
Hoop: What, like a Tigon?
Tink: That's it!
Hoop: Oh my God. Whatever.
Tink: I'm serious!
Hoop: Are there Pultures too?
Tink: Pultures?
Hoop: Yeah, a Pigeon and a Vulture.
Tink: Um, no.
Hoop: But surely there's a Cog (Cat/Dog).
Tink: No, those are Dats.
Hoop: Or Dots?
Hoop: How about a Crocogator (Crocodile/Alligator)?
Tink: Or an Allidile?
(Drives by a Bald Eagle and Vulture, sitting on the side of the road together)
Tink: Did I just-
Hoop: -yeah, you saw that correctly.
Tink: I'll shut up now.
Hoop: Definitely Veagles.


At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Hang in there, Tink!

Still giggling over the pre-Veagle sighting you had.

So, if saying normal words is abnormally difficult right now, how would an actual tongue twister go? Try saying "Aluminim Linoleum" five times fast and let me know how it goes...

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

There ARE days when it feels like the Internet is really a Ninernet.

My daughter had a class project once where they had to combine two types of animals to come up with a new one. I think she did a pangle (panda bear & eagle).

Glad to hear you guys haved killed each other yet. Hang in there!

At 20 February, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

I thought about you this weekend. Glad to hear you are feeling a little better. I know it sucks, but you can do it. You are stronger.

If you quit, I'll buy you a wholfin ;0)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger V said...

I so feel your pain....

Good job on just having the one and throwing the rest out though! That's always my a pack so that I can have one...and then 19 more! You're doing great! Hoping to be following in your GLORIOUS :) footsteps this week. (Not on a Monday for God's sake....come on!)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Dave quit smoking when we got together; he'd smoked for quite a few years. He did it slowly, whittling down until one day he lit up and it made him sick to his stomach. He chewed a lot of gum and sucked on a lot of hard candies and to this day he still needs to have something in his hands to fidget with if he's just sitting doing nothing. But he did it...and so can you. :)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Yay! The worst is most likely behind you.

Did you go out to dinner on Friday?

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

You're doing great Tink!! yay!!

I want a dat and a cog. 4 1/2s instead of 2 wholes :)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

You are awesome!! I love your mixed up words. I'm sure it was the DT's talking. You should have seen me giving up coffee. My hubs found me in the fetal position on the sofa. Told me I should probably wean myself off instead of going cold turkey.

Did you really drive by a bad eagle? That would be neat. And I think it would be a Vulgle.

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Hang in the poster says, "Visualize success!"

Yesterday I was visualizing junk food all day so we went to the Chinese buffet. I was in the throes of a pretty fantastic binge until I saw the scariest combover I'd ever seen on one of my fellow diners. That alone proved to be a pretty effective appetite suppressant. Success was achieved, through visual means!

But seriously, just take it step by step. You'll get there. :)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Don't give up Tink. Just keep taking it one day at a time. It will get better and better. Remember breathing is NOT overrated.

The cross breading ideas are funny, but now I'm really wondering about the rat terriers. I always just assumed that you were talking about a purebreed dog. Now I'm not so sure. 8-)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

Sorry I wasn't here for you this weekend. Now I feel guilty. In my defence, I had to go out of town to a funeral. And then I got stuck up there in bad weather.

Still, YOU ROCK, TINK!!!!! Hang in there. Did you know the average cigarette craving lasts only 2.5 minutes? You can do anything for only 2.5 minutes. Well, maybe not ANYTHING...

I'm so proud of you!!!!!!

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Chris: It came out, "Alinimum Liloleum" on the second go. Oh well. :P

Gradual Gardener: Pangle! That's cute. I'll have to throw that one at Hoop. I think he has dreams of being a mad scientist.

TB: Thank you for the thoughts this weekend. I really do think they helped girl. Wholfin? Hmmm. A wolf and a dolphin maybe?

V: Definitely not on a Monday... And be forewarned, you won't feel like you can make it the first day. You can. It gets tons easier after the second day.

Mama T: I'm extremely fidgety anyway. This has only worsened it. Now my leg shakes, my hands squirm, and my mouth bunches up.

Arabella: We went to Red Lobster. How stupid is that? We live in FLORIDA and we're eating at a place that has their seafood shipped from MAINE.

Mary: Breed them and you'd have a Cogdat. You'd also be the wealthiest woman alive.

Debbie: I've seen at least 4 Bald Eagles in my area of Florida since I moved here. There was one that perched on one of our bridges for four months. The newspaper named him our city mascot.

Jess: Ewww to the comb-over. They make me want to carry around scissors.

Jay: LOL. No, they're a real breed. Although I've seen hairless ones that are questionable. ;)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Pixie: Yeah but what they don't tell you is that the cravings come in waves of 5 minutes. I'm sorry about the funeral! YOU should be in MY thoughts girl. Not the other way around. ((HUG))

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Rock said...

I have some thoughts on this whole process but I don't want to screw you up at all. The main thing is to show and appreciate progress. I used to have that coffee trigger also but once you can get over those individual triggers you will be surprised at how you won't miss it.

But I'd work on that speech thing.

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Rock: Thoughts against how I'm going about it? Do tell. I'm curious. Although I can't promise it'll change anything. :)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Emily said...

Quitting smoking was, by far, one of the hardest things I ever did, and I had several 'slips' on the way....BUT now that I AM smoke free-I feel SO much better now, in SO many won't regret it....

Hang in there...and try not to kill anyone...

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Brooke said...

Keep it going Tinkster!

I heard something once where if you can just make it through five days of hell, the rest is much easier.

I hope it holds true for you guys!

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

Tink while I AM doing well in radiobiology, I don't think I'd do too hotly in genetics....

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

Glad to hear that things are going well and you survived!!

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

My Mom used to smoke. She knew she had succeeded in quitting when she couldn't stand the smell of cigarettes. Godd luck, you will get there.

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger EE said...

WTG Tink!!! You can do it! :)

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Glad to hear everyone's still alive! Just keep taking it a day at a time, and you'll do fine.

At 20 February, 2006, Blogger Iamadesigner said...

It's a good sign that you haven't lost your sense of humor. Something that helped me when I quite is I decided that I was going to allow myself to feel and behave however I felt with no restrictions (besides smoking that is). Granted I was living alone at the time so I was not subjecting anyone else to my outbursts. I say stick with it-it only gets easier from here!

At 21 February, 2006, Blogger mE said...

Proud, proud PROUD of you (and Hoop, too)!!!

And the Veagle is proud, too...


At 21 February, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

It does get easier, it does. Congratulations to all of you!

Yes, Ligers are real...they had a Ligertown, near Preston, Idaho, where the Ligers escaped from the shanties they were kept in and terrorized the town. There is a stuffed Liger in the Salt Lake zoo, Shasta....was her name...too many field trips there as a child.

At 21 February, 2006, Blogger eric said...

if you'd watch the DVD extras, tink, you'd know that the difference between a liger and a tigon is that tigons are stupid and totally reek like poo.

hang in there.


At 21 February, 2006, Blogger Carrie said...

Hang in're doing great! Goooooo Tink! ;)


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