Monday, May 07, 2007

Troubled Paradise

Weekend Recap:
1. Friday night, Hoop and I took my little brothers to go see "
Spiderman 3."
2. When we got there, about an hour and a half before the showing, a line had already started forming for seats.
3. So we decided to skip our dinner plans and camp out instead. We amused ourselves by talking with the people around us.
4. To our left was a young couple who claimed they NEVER missed a new movie.
Tink: Never?
Young Woman: Never. Sometimes I skip sleeping so we can see a midnight showing.
5. At a cost of $12.00 (for two tickets), times 4 (the average number of new movies per week), the couple spends about $2,304 a year at the theater!
6. With the average income for the area being $24,087. That's 9.56% of someone's yearly earnings!
7. The movie was decent. Not worth the wait and mad rush for seats. The majority of the plot was spent on Peter and MJ's romance. Disheartening, considering the actors have absolutely NO chemistry together. About 40 minutes of the movie were fight scenes, only 15 of which had Venom in them.
8. Saturday morning I drove the boys home and then went back to the "crib" for cleaning.
9. Cleaning, for a place that has virtually no storage or furniture, consists of piling things in stacks in the corners. The most popular phrase in my house right now is, "Where is---?" or "Have you seen---?"
10. Yesterday I found a screwdriver in the dirty clothes hamper. When I went to go place it with other tools, I found an empty bottle of orange juice chilling out with the wrench.
11. I keep bugging Hoop about getting things fixed: the missing baseboards, the holes in the walls, the nonexistent electricity and plumbing in the kitchen, the fans with no blades...
12. He keeps assuring me that his Dad will help fix it when he comes into town. His Dad, the man who has rescheduled on us three times. The house is never going to get done.
13. So I've decided to run away. I'm looking to be adopted out. Any takers? I make a mean Pork Chop Marsala!
14. Saturday evening Hoop decided to bite the bullet and charge a new PS3 and receiver on his card. But when we went to make the purchase:
Electronics Employee: I'm helping this customer and then I'm going home.
Hoop: Is there anyone else who can help us?
Electronics Employee: Nope.
15. I'm not sure what pissed me off more, the prospect of shopping for entertainment equipment longer than we already had, or being treated so rudely.
Tink: Excuse me.
Manager: Yes?
Tink: My boyfriend and I are looking to spend a LARGE amount of money at your store. But apparently, your employee doesn't want to take it. Instead of helping us, he just told us that he's about to go home and that no one else in the entire store will be able to help with our purchase. Is that true?
16. I couldn't tell who was more horrified, the manager or Hoop.
17. In the end they gave us a an extra $20 discount on our purchases and followed us around with a cart as we shopped. I think that's the closest I'll ever get to feeling like royalty!
18. Sunday morning I awoke to Hoop organizing the garage. For the first time in three months we can walk through without having to play Frogger with all our stuff.
19. Mark that down in the calendar folks!
20. But the joy I felt from that accomplishment was quickly ruined by what happened last night.
21. After spending an hour putting our bedroom fan together, I called Hoop in to examine my handiwork. I was a bit frustrated because certain parts seemed a bit loose, so he dismantled it to find the problem.
22. In the process of putting it back together, he shattered the glass dome.
23. I'll admit, I was angrier with him than I should have been. But my patience for this never ending project of ours has begun to shrivel. I called him "destructive." He got defensive. We both went to bed angry.
24. Then I dreamt we were having a fist fight. So of course I woke up angry too.
25. Why couldn't I have had a makeup sex dream instead?!
26. I'm still grouchy. So in order to lighten the mood, here are some conversations on the house:

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Look at that building. It's huge! Is it a house or a church?
Hoop: It's a house.
Tink: Are you sure?
Hoop: I'm sure.
Tink: But... Isn't that a cross in the front yard?
Hoop: No.
Tink: Look, there's a sign. It IS a church! I thought you said it was a house?
Hoop: It is a house. It's God's house.
Tink: Smart ass.

Mom Quote Of The Day:
"I think we should have a funeral for Grandma's uterus. After all, it was my first home."

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Are you going to leave me?
Tink: No way!
...
Tink: Wait, did you mean right now or forever?
Hoop: Forever.
Tink: Good. Because I really have to pee.

Not Far From The Tree:
(While eating at my parents' house)
Hoop: I am so full!
Tink: Throw that piece back in the pot then.
Hoop: Ew! You really think someone is going to want to eat it?
Tink: Well, that depends. Are you a forker or a biter?
Papa Bear: Forker! *Bursts out laughing*
Hoop: Forker?
Mom: I fork AND bite.
Tink: No, no, no. I meant-
Papa Bear: You forker!
Mom: See? *Forks off a chunk of meat and bites it off*
Tink: That's not-
Papa Bear: Mother forkers.
Tink: Nevermind!
Hoop: I knew what you meant.
Papa Bear: So did I.
Mom: Me too.
Tink: I hate you all.

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30 Comments:

At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

I'll adoopt you - I said it first - ME ME ME

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Tawcan said...

Ugh being treated rudely when you shop is so annoying. Worst is when a salesperson treats you like you know nothing but in reality you actually know a heck a lot more than the salesperson.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Funeral for uterus. LLLLLLOL.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

Your family is too cute. Now we know where you get it from.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger meno said...

I am cherishing the image of you chewing out the manager of that store. Right on! You deserve to be treated like royalty.

Renovating a house is a great big ball of....no fun.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

OMG, I'll adopt you! Come to Canada for me and stay for the mullets. ;)

I love that you spoke up at the electronics store. YOU GO GIRL.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Newt: Ok! I'm packing my bags tonight. ;)

Tawcan: Do you think they role play talking to customers like they're five year olds during training?

Her Bad Mother: We're going to throw a wreath in the ocean or something.

Jay They're so evil they're cute... Interesting.

Meno: I won't lie. It felt GOOD!

Mama T: How about you and Newt get split custody? Maybe an every-other-weekend deal and rotating holidays? ;)

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

Darling Tink,

The house WILL be finished in the end. Stop rushing things. You're just stressing yourself out and causing friction that doesn't need to be there! Relax! Let it go! It's not a sprint!

I learned this with the extension at our house. It has taken 3 years, the baseboards are still unpainted and we only have one curtain up. If I had stressed about it, I'd have been in a rubber room a while ago.

I thought I had declared you as my clever younger sister a while ago. When are you coming for a visit?

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Maggie said...

Tink, renovations suck ass. Sometimes its really fun to see things pull together. Other times there are the fights about things not getting done, or things done but without joint decision and then things don't turn out the way they were originally planned together. In the end, it does get done but it's some trying crap on relationships. I feel ya.

You've got one bad ass attitude and you use it well - I hate people at stores that act like that.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Laurasia said...

Your family and Hoop are enough to keep anyone in stitches. How do you stand it?

On second thought, get back to me on that last question. Preferrably when the two of you are back on speaking terms.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Mike Y said...

Tink, I'm dying here. Mother forkers! LMAO!

I hate that sort of treatment. We were in Atlanta and the sales lady in the purse dept. snubbed Chelle and her sister. I got pissed off and tracked down the manager. They waited on the two girls hand and foot after that. I felt like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. We walked out with with about $5,000 in shoes and purses.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Peggy: *Takes deep breath* Thank you. I know. I really need to slow down and stop pressuring myself AND Hoop. I get so caught up in what needs to be done, that I don't enjoy the little tasks we complete. Although, I'd really like a kitchen. A person can only take so much take-out and fast food. Bleh.

Maggie I sometimes wonder if Hoop wishes he hadn't gotten involved in this mess. Less than one year into the relationship I was busy giving him a crash course on selling, buying, and moving. Screw the honeymoon period huh? :)

Laurasia I think their zany sense of humor is the ONLY thing that keeps me sane.

Mike Y I've been using "Forkers" all day. It's kind of catchy. $5,000?! Who are you really? Daddy Warbucks? ;)

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Gracey said...

I bet that employee got a huge tongue lashing for being rude to you guys. Your experience made me think of that scene in Pretty Woman where they are all kissing up to Julia Roberts and Richard Gere because they are spending tons of money in the store. :) Something amazing happens when people see or hear anything about that green thing $ $ $ $ $ :)

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

Pork Marsala?! Hell yes, girl, come on over, I'll adopt you!

Good for you for standing up to the rude employee. I don't know why Hoop would have been horrified, but my boy probably woulda been too. Wussies. ;)

I hope the house issues come to a close for you soon. Makes you never want to move again, doesn't it?!

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger eric said...

i thought spider-man 3 kind of sucked considering how good it could have been.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Mary said...

everyone gang up on tink day :( (((HUGS)))

I'm sorry things are dragging with your house. If it makes you feel better, we made an offer on our out in the beginning of March, and we still don't have a closing date. Hell we figure it's 50/50 if we are even gonna get it :(

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger captain corky said...

I thought Spiderman 3 was ok. The affects were amazing. Even though I got there an hour early I didn't wait in line. I bought my tickets and ran to Qdoba (Mexican restaurant) and scarfed down a 5 pound burrito. The burrito was really good but I don't know if having to sit in the first row was worth it.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Anonymous wordgirl said...

I think I slept through the second Spiderman and Kirsten Dunst makes me tired. That said, the clerk who dissed you is the real Mother Forker! In fact, if you check his nametag (assuming he hasn't been fired just yet), it probably says it in bold lettering.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger butterfly girl said...

I didn't read this post yet.

Here was my original acceptance speech. Maybe you didn't see it? I thanked you in a big way. You saved my blog life!!! ;)

http://butterflyindisguise.wordpress.com/2007/04/25/blog-suicide/

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger butterfly girl said...

Your not going to make me fight over you right!!!???

I would have loved loved loved to see those boys faces when you said that. That would totally be something I would say. I live for moments like that!!!

Like when my son said he never does anything he shouldn't on the computer and then I clicked a button and Oops! there was the half naked girls dancing around the swimming pool! Face of stone. Love it.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Anonymous gawilli said...

Your PS3 experience sounds a little like my cell phone experience, except you came out better. Way to go. Oh, and I love Frogger.

My mom used to tell me never to get twin beds, because "if you sleep in the same bed you can never go to sleep angry". I have since found that not to be so true. The theory is a good one though.

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger mitchgib said...

"I think we should have a funeral for Grandma's uterus. After all, it was my first home."

I just wet myself laughing !

I often dream that my uterus and ovaries are somewhere out there looking for me.
My family has lost so many body parts, at get- togethers we often wonder if they are all waiting for us in the afterlife !
My sister in law looks forward to seeing her large intestine again someday !

 
At 07 May, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

I wish I could've seen the manager AND Hoop's facial expressions!!

I hope you two sorted things out...

 
At 08 May, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Gracey: They reprimanded him alright. Half the store overheard it! The entire ordeal, from start to finish, was completely unprofessional. But I can't complain about the discount.

Fiwa I don't know if Hoop and I are EVER going to move again. The mere thought makes me want to commit myself. Ahhh, meds.

Eric Exactly! Did you think Venom looked really puny? The boys and I kept waiting for him to grow or something. *Snort*

Mary What's the holdup? Do they have a projected closing date at least?

Captain Corky Why do they even have a front row? No one LIKES sitting there!

Wordgirl Kirsten Dunst is such a disappointing actress. When I saw her in "Interview With A Vampire" I thought, "This chick is going somewhere." But she never did. Now she just bores me.

Butterfly Girl Have you found his secret MySpace page yet? My Mom was "thrilled" when she found the ones of my little brothers. On Big Bit's (the 14 year old) he had "Ur anus" put down for location. Space included. Nice huh?

Gawilli: Twin beds? So... Which one of you snores? ;)

Mitchgib: That reminds of me of a great little story about the town Hoop and I moved from. Back in the 1600's there was a war going on between the British and the Spanish for the city. A lot of people lost limbs in the battles. Because they were predominantly Catholic, their church believed all body parts should be buried on holy ground. The battles continued of and on for hundreds of years. Eventually, the cemeteries filled up. But not with bodies, body PARTS. So the Catholic Church sanctioned the entire town holy ground.

People began burying their lost limbs on the way out of the hospital. About ten years ago they dug up the old hospital road. What they found beneath the cobblestones horrified them. There were bones under there! At first they thought they had found an old burial ground. But later they revised their theory, since the majority of the bones were from arms and legs alone. So instead of relocating the bones they decided to pave over them. And there the bones lie still. Crazy huh?

Chris It's better. We're working on it. Hoop's working on not driving me crazy. I'm working on not hurting him with a blunt object. ;)

 
At 08 May, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

10% is a little steep! If you saved all that money, over a few years you could buy God's house!

 
At 08 May, 2007, Blogger Arabella said...

I am incredibly jealous that two movie tickets there cost $12. Here, it would be $20. This is why I hardly ever go to the movies!

 
At 08 May, 2007, Blogger Tory said...

Tink, I think you and I have the same life!!!
Take care girlfriend.

 
At 08 May, 2007, Blogger eric said...

i thought venom was cool. i love the way topher grace put his dry little spin on it.

 
At 09 May, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

I'll adopt you. But, I'd probably have to move there. I don't think you'd like living in Arkansas.

I actually haven't seen the first two Spiderman movies yet. Oh well.

 
At 12 May, 2007, Blogger EE said...

Oh see! I liked Spiderman 3 quite a lot! LOL

I can't BELIEVE that electronic store employee. GO YOU!!!!

 

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