Updates (Finally)

I feel like I've been having an out of body experience for the last four days.

The closing on Monday night went much smoother than expected. Which doesn't explain why I haven't posted updates until today. The truth is, I didn't want to think about it anymore. So I stuck it on a shelf and pretended it wasn't there. Some people call that "denial." I call it "fucking brilliant."

I'm thinking about doing it with other uncomfortable memories too. That peeing incident from fourth grade? Stashed. Next is my collection of horrible hair-dos and family gatherings. Oh, and let's not forget the time Grandpa pulled out his dentures and convinced me I could do the same with my teeth too.

Monday Night: When I walked into the title company I was greeted by four smiling people.

The seller, who was smiling out of confusion as if to say, "Who is this little girl and where are her cookies?"

The seller's Realtor, who was smiling like a shark that was ready for dinner.

The title representative, who was smiling and sweating as he stared down a plate of pastries.

My Realtor, who was grinning nervously and making too-polite conversation with the enemy other party.

I told them as I sat down that I was waiting for my Mom to arrive. I had decided last minute to pull Hoop out of the closing. Something I would later be made to pay for. Despite my persistence to wait, they kept shoving paperwork at me to sign. "I'm sure it's all in order," my Realtor said, smiling sweetly at the seller. "I think my client has gone well beyond the call of duty," the other Realtor chimed.

They impatiently stared at me as we waiting. I know what they were thinking. "She needs someone to hold her hand." But I didn't. I could see that the paperwork was in order. I could have signed. I was waiting for my moral support to arrive. I knew the moment Mom walked through that door that someone was on my side. Even if I didn't really need it.

So the house is officially ours! I signed over my soul and traded the money for a set of keys. Hoop and I had a long talk last night about support, insecurities, and the walls we've built up between each other in the last two weeks. I've come to realize I'm excellent at masonry ;). As with the new house, we plan on working on it. We love each other too much to simply throw "us" away.

The hardest part is over. Soon enough it'll be time for the fun to begin.

February Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. scrotum cream Try the blog down the street.
2. what guys think about while having sex According to Hoop, it's baseball.
3. scary hairy dude Whatever you do, DONT Google that term... You're going to aren't you? Don't say I didn't warn you.
4. totally useless information An octopus' testicles are located in its head.
5. hoop up anal You can try... But he's a pretty big guy.
6. pickled penis dahmer We all have nicknames we're not proud of.

One Word

Details will have to wait until my brain demushifies. I'm off to catch up on emails, blogs, and work. All I can say is, "YAY for no longer being homeless!"

P.S. Anyone interested in a large cardboard box? It's cheap and hardly lived in. :)

Unleash Your Inner Stalker

I dub thee "Delurking Day!"

Come out, come out, wherever you are! Go ahead, tell me what you think. I'll accept all forms of praise, hate mail, and general suggestions as to what additions you'd like to see in 2007. But please refrain from throwing tomatoes. Chocolate, on the other hand, is OK.

House Update: Wednesday night my family and I sat around the inspection forms, adding and subtracting repairs from our priority list. With each little check I felt my stomach tighten. "You're going to need to replace the roof in three years." "I don't think you can afford to get those popcorn ceilings scraped." "Did you read this? It says there's no electricity running to the dryer!" I was surrounded by people, and I felt so alone.

In my corner I had the concerned parent, the wannabe expert, and the guy more concerned with the status of our flat screen TV than the stability of the actual house. Can you guess which one was which? Neither was very much help. By 11 o'clock that night I had hit my mental limit. And then Duff (the dog) ate my underwear... Funny how the smallest things can send you hurtling over the edge. In a stream of tears and profanity I started venting my frustration.

The tantrum began with my woes over clothes, and ended with, "..and then all my teeth are going to rot out. How the hell am I going to be able to afford a dentist? I can't even buy replacement underwear! Just hand me a pair of fucking pliers." I think I might have blacked out. Besides some faulty wisdom teeth I've needed removed for two years, my hygiene is really good. I swear!

The next morning I woke up with Julia Robert's lips, and my eyes looked like they'd been stung by a bee. The situation was dismal... at best. So I decided to email a friend, one far wiser and more level headed than I (Thank you, again. You know who you are). After that, things started to fall into place. Issues were fixed. Loan options were readjusted. I fell into a plan that would not only work, but leave me with extra cash to work with.

If all goes according to plan, Hoop and I should have a new house by mid-February. Of course my sanity might be gone by then and my hair might have turned prematurely white with stress. But at least we'll have a home!

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(On two-ways)
Tink: Babe, Jesus is looking at me.
Hoop: WHO is looking at you?
Tink: Jesus. Oh and Santa, Frosty, a Reindeer, and three black wise men.
Hoop: Oh-kay.
Tink: This truck in front of me is carrying a whole yards worth of holiday decorations.
Hoop: Must be an after Christmas sale.
Tink: Or he's taking them to storage. It looks like the decorations are having a party.
Hoop: That's the oddest party I've ever heard of.

Courtesy of Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...

Free
Dedicated

If I actually get a free moment this weekend, I'll be dedicated to participating.

Out And About:
(Talking with the sweet, little old lady who works at the gas station)
Tink: What are you doing?
Attendant: Dancing.
Tink: Cute.
Attendant: Our DM says we don't greet people friendly enough.
Attendant 2: Whatever you're on honey, I want some.
Attendant: I'm on ----.
Tink: What's that for?
Attendant: It's so I don't kill people!

January Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. Permission to pee electric Granted. Just don't blow my fuses.
2. Sleep talking secrets My lips are sealed.
3. animal scratching up carpet underneath trailer Why do you have carpet underneath your trailer?
4. take over home depot I've thought about it. But they have too many tools and weapons to fight back with.


Have a spectacular weekend!