Drum Roll, Please.

The votes are in...

...and "Tinkatude" has won! Thanks to all 127 people who participated. Even if the number of votes is rather suspect *ahem* Jay.

Next time there WILL be chads.

My goal was to have the new decor up today. But things have been a mess all week, and Friday followed suit. I'm making this post uncommonly short so that I can hop around and visit everyone I've neglected. I'd rather see what's going on in your lives than ramble on about mine. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend! May there be good food, good fun, and sleeping in.

Courtesy of Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...

Provide
Restore

Please "restore" my faith in creativity. "Provide" us with a couple pictures for this contest. I promise I'll Ooh and Aah appropriately.

Canned Tink

5 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. As I walked around the office this morning, something sharp kept jabbing me from inside my dress-boot. I just now got the chance to seek privacy and remove it. I figured it was a rock, or a burr, or maybe even a shell. Do you know what I found instead? Hoop's toenail clipping. I think we've reached an all new comfort level. Hoop and my anniversary is in ten days. For those of you who don't know, and probably because I've never told, we will have been together for a year.... Almost as long as I've had this blog. And you all have been here to witness our transitions all along. Kind of makes you feel like you're on the "Truman Show" doesn't it? Much better than being in "Monster," the movie Hoop and I watched last night. It's bad enough my sleep for the last week has been plagued by nightmares, some severe enough to make me shoot out of bed in fear or bawling my eyes out. I think I might sage the house. There's a funky vibe kickin' in our bedroom... Probably induced by the toxic fumes of too many cleaning agents. I swear if this house doesn't sell soon I'm going to start sweating bleach. When I walked into work this morning one of my coworkers met me at the coffee machine. "How'd you handle that Monster yesterday?" My first thought was pretty dirty. "He was great!" But then the confusion set in. HOW did she know what movie I'd watched last night? "How did you know?" I whispered to her in awe. "Huh?" She responded. "Huh?" I said back. "That monster of a project you were working on yesterday. How'd it go?" Holy crap. I need a vacation.End.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: What if there was a scale that measured love?
Tink: It would prove I love you more.
Hoop: Oh yeah? My love is so great, it would more than likely break it.
Tink: Mine would probably register as something very little-
Hoop: HA!
Tink: -because it spun around so many times it came back to the beginning.
Hoop: Hmph.
Tink: How about we both love each other more?
Hoop: Is that possible?
Tink: *Shrugs* Who cares?

Around The Water Cooler:
Warehouseman 1: How do you spell "warehouse?"
Tink: W-A-
Warehouseman 2: Aw man!
Warehouseman 1: Pay up.
Tink: What did I miss?
Warehouseman 1: We had a bet going.
Warehouseman 2: I thought it was spelled "W-H-A-R-E-H-O-U-S-E."
Warehouseman 1: And I kept telling him it was "W-A-E-R-H-O-U-S-E."

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Did you hear about Screech?
Tink: From "Saved By The Bell?"
Hoop: Yeah. He's trying to get someone to market a porn video that he made.
Tink: Of HIMSELF?
Hoop: Uh huh.
Tink: That is... I'm so...
Hoop: Speechless?
Tink: Grossed out! WHO would buy it?

(Any guesses what the title of Dustin Diamond's video is? Wait for it... "Saved By The Smell." Bwahahaha! I think I just peed in my pants a little.)

Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
Tink: Where are we going?
Hoop: I don't want to take you back to work. So we're running away.
Tink: Like Thelma and Louise?
Hoop: Yeah! Wait...
Tink: *Starts laughing*
Hoop: More like Dumb and Dumber.
Tink: Can I be Dumb?

Post-It Note: Less than 24 hours to cast your final votes!

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Feelin' Snarky

I have three days until the fourth quarter... and six days worth of work to do. This morning I stood in front of the copy machine, a cup of coffee in each hand. One of our warehouse employees strolled up, noticed I was double-fisting, and asked what was wrong. "There are never enough hours in the day," I mumbled sleepily. To which he replied, "Not enough hours? Why, there's 24 just in one day! That's 1440 minutes. Or 86400 seconds-"

At which point I tossed one of the cups, grabbed the back of his head, and proceeded to slam it into the filing cabinet.

A girl can dream can't she?

I'm a fairly optimistic and cheerful person... usually. But on my occasional bad day, I feel like happy attitudes are akin to wild animals. They're fine at a distance. But up close? You run the risk of being mauled by them. And once one comes up, the rest of the pack has to follow. Then you're standing there shooting daggers (out of your eyes) and wishing you'd never enticed them in the first place. Thankfully, this morning my assailant was a rouge.

As I downed one of my coffees and grabbed the stack of papers the copy machine had just spit out, I heard "You'll see the light. It's going to end up a beauuuuutiful day!" I hadn't intended on answering. But then a sick thought creeped into my mind. What if he didn't stop? What if he came by repeatedly during the day to check up on me? I had to nip this one real quick. So I turned to face him, licking the coffee from my teeth. "Listen Buddy... I don't mind if you're happy. Just don't rub it all over me like it's contagious, OK?"

I turned back toward the door, satisfied with my quick response. Until...

"You know it takes more muscles to frown than smile!"

*Sigh* Only 57 hours, 42 minutes, and 18 seconds until Saturday.

Emma Update:
Emma's new family went to the humane society yesterday morning to pick her up. She was fine, despite the questionable people taking care of her. They let the family go ahead and sign the paperwork for her, but she won't be released until Friday. The pound is going to have her fixed and checked for diseases. You're probably wondering why they didn't take care of all that during the five days they had her... Evidently she's important enough NOW, since she's bought and paid for. I'm just glad it all worked out. I'll feel even better when she goes home on Friday. Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers!

Quick "Chick" Joke:
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back...

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

Post-It Note: If you haven't done it yet, don't forget to vote on a new header! You have until Friday at 11 to rock your vote.

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Pouty Tink

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The Good Stuff

Directly after coming home from work yesterday, things began to get a little hot and heavy between Hoop and I. We lingered in the doorway for a moment exchanging kisses, and then quickly shuffled to the bedroom. As Hoop began to work his fingers through my belt, he uttered two intoxicating words...

"Rarrrr, Muscles!"

Evidently the belt didn't want to come off. And I couldn't stop laughing long enough to help him.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(As a flying beetle lands on my back)
Tink: Eeeew! Get it off! Get it off!
Hoop: It's gone.
Tink: *Starts laughing*
Hoop: What?
Tink: That was just so... girlie.
Hoop: Well, you ARE a girl.
Tink: Yeah, but I pride myself on not being too girlie. I've always been kind of a tomboy.
Hoop: Face it babe, you're a chick. Guy's don't use phrases like, "Ewwwww!" and "Awwwww!"
Tink: That's true. They use phrases like, "Rarrr, Muscles!"
Hoop: I TOLD you, I have no idea why that came out of my mouth.
Tink: Face it babe, you're a dude. Half the crap that comes out of your mouth isn't going to make sense.

Around The Water Cooler:
Sales Guy: Are you all familiar with wet wipes?
Sales Manager: The stuff they use on babies?
Sales Guy: Yeah! Those things are great for after-shit wiping.
Sales Manager: What?
Sales Guy: My wife left a pack on the back of the toilet one day. I thought, "Why not?" I've never felt so clean after taking a dump.
Sales Manager: Yeah OK. Talk to us again when your asshole falls out.
Sales Guy: My asshole's not going to fall out man.
Sales Manager: Those things are soaked in alcohol.
Sales Guy: I never thought of that before.
...
Second Sales Guy: Well what about the babies then?

Around The Water Cooler 2:
Sales Manager: ...So then I hog-tied him.
Tink: *Walks past* I don't want to know.
Sales Guy: Did he fight much?
Sales Manager: Hell yeah. He bit me in the ass!
Tink: *Pops head out of office*
Sales Manager: But I got him in the end.
Sales Guy: Where is he now?
Sales Manager: In my friend's freezer.
Tink: I feel like I'm working for the mob.
Sales Manager: You want some Tink?
Tink: I just want to pretend I didn't hear this. In case the cops come looking.
Sales Manager: No cop's going to come looking for a missing pig!
Tink: Oh for Christ sake.

MEME-Tastic: One that has been making the rounds quite a bit lately. As usual, I'm late.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (your first pet and the street that you live on)
Tink: Tye Sandpiper
Hoop: Feather Lombard

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)
Tink: Edie Twix
Hoop: Ray Snickers

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)
Tink: Cela
Hoop: J-Car

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Tink: Blue Otter
Hoop: Black Lion

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Tink: Elaine Sylvania
Hoop: Carl Atlanta

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name)
Tink: Capcrmy
Hoop: Hoojefa

7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, favorite drink)
Tink: The Blue Mudslide
Hoop: The Black White Russian

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first name of both your grandfathers)
Tink: Jim Bob
Hoop: Joe Ray

9. FUTURISTIC NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne and the name brand of your favorite shoes)
Tink: Lucky You Ninewest
Hoop: Cool Water Newbalance

10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: ( mother/father's middle name and the next name you hear on the tv/radio/talk)
Tink: Elaine Shore
Hoop: Carl Morgan

11. STRIPPER NAME: (favorite dance and favorite snack)
Tink: Booty Goldfish
Hoop: Robot Cake

Post-It Note: If you haven't done it yet, don't forget to vote on a new header!

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Pouty Tink

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Rock The Vote

Over the weekend I got mixed reviews on the new blog-job... along with some insinuations that the positive feedback was from less-than-honest commenters.

*Cough*Thanks Pamer*Cough* hehe

So I decided to be fair, since you all will have to look at this almost as much as I do. Below are four different blog headers. You can click on them for larger views. The one with the most votes by Friday will be the winner.

Now hurry up and "Rock the Vote!"

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Pickles and Cows


Tinkatude


Pouty Tink

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	Pouty Tink
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Weekend Recap:
1. Friday night Hoop and I filled ourselves up on sushi and edamame before heading over to the local small-mall (or s'mall) to see "Jackass: Number Two."
2. Had I known there would be midget nudity and leeches on eyeballs I might have chosen a different dinner than eel.
3. We also made a pitstop at the car wash we could clean Hoop's Hoop-D.
4. Actually Hoop did all the washing. I hung out with a couple of old bikers by the vacuum cleaners.
5. They offered to give me a ride, but I didn't think Hoop would approve.
6. One guy claimed his bike cost more than his house. "It's equipped with AC, a TV, a CD/DVD player, and seat warmers."
7. To which I exclaimed, "That's a pretty expensive coffin you have there!"
8. Saturday we attempted to wash my SUV before heading over to my parents' house.
9. But I got fed up with the killing zone on the windshield and called it a day.
10. It's Lovebug season. The little bastards are so busy mating they don't even try to avoid cars.
11. And once squished they turn into a superglue like substance that won't come off despite odd mixtures of Goo Gone, Coca-Cola, Windex, and soap.
12. According to THIS site: "The fatty tissue will cause pitting of the car's finish if it is not removed within a few days." F'n GREAT.
13. And: "Flies enter cars and sometimes drivers and passengers soil their clothing by sitting on Lovebugs." I'm sure the image I got was not what they intended to convey.
14. My grandfather from Arizona came to visit this weekend. He's a corporate Big Wig...
15. ...who was not at all comfortable with my family's country way of living.
16. He spent his time indoors watching football and golf while everyone else rode horses, gathered wood, repaired two broken gates, and sat around enjoying the sun.
17. We finally managed to get him outside once the sun had set and marshmallow toasting had begun.
18. We all took turns telling stories and making Smores...
19. ...and trying not to laugh as Mom yelled at Big Bit, "Quit trying to catch your farts on fire!"


Contest courtesy of Odd Mix:

Objective

To gather firewood...

Value

...for a family campfire.

(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

A Little Coaxing


Perception


Nose to Nose


House Guest

Revamp

Tink: Do you like my new blog-job?
Hoop: What is that in the title?
Tink: It's pickles and Bologna, duh.

My thanks to Newt, for the inspiration and to Fa, for the dimensions. I kind of like it... It's retro.

And then again, I kind of think it looks like Barney puke. So it may be totally different by Monday. Ah, the possibilities of a weekend. Give me Paintshop and booze, I dare you!

Emma Update:
Wednesday morning, the day Emma's new family was coming to pick her up, the dog disappeared. Mom wasn't concerned at first. The dog is prone to wandering, obviously. But she always seems to magically appear around breakfast. This day she didn't. By late afternoon everyone was panicked, afraid Emma had been hit by a car or picked up by someone with less sincere intentions. So Papa Bear started knocking door to door.

It wasn't long before they got some information. The people two houses down admitted to calling the pound on her earlier that morning. To which my Stepdad responded, "Oh no! That's our friend's dog. We've been watching it for him while he's on vacation. He's going to be so upset." My Mom just stared at him, open mouthed. The neighbors looked puzzled, and then annoyed. "That dog has been wandering around the neighborhood for a week... and it's half starved!"

We still can't figure out if he meant to lie or if that's just what fell out of his mouth when he opened it.

So Emma's soon-to-be family went over to the humane society yesterday where they were told, quite rudely, "By law we have to quarantine her for five days. And we can't guarantee she wont contract something from one of the other dogs while she's here. You might want to have your vet check for Parvo if you get her. And if you're still interested by Tuesday you better not be over 30 minutes late. We're booked and we WILL put her to sleep."

I'm so glad common decency and humanity is still practiced in this day and age.

Cross your fingers that Emma is OK when they go to pick her up. This is a really kind family. They will take wonderful care of her. In fact... when the humane society offered to give them a discount on another (available) pooch instead of taking Em, they were outraged. They told them they'd be "waiting at the gate on Tuesday morning" and that the pound employees should be the ones worried about being 30 minutes late.

Courtesy of Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...

Objective
Value

Participants can enter a drawing for a 7 day cruise!!

Not really... But it IS fun.

Spam Mail:
Whirlwind Yearbook from Paulina Donovan
Second Desist from Montague Lamb
Charmed Fallout from Adam Fleming

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: When I went to the interview I could tell the lady really liked me.
Tink: Oh? Well that's good.
Hoop: I really like this company. I hope I get the job.
Tink: Was she cute?
Hoop: *Answers quickly* NO.
Tink: MmmHmm.
Hoop: Are you feeling jealous?
Tink: Absolutely not. I was just curious.
Hoop: You wouldn't tell me if you were, would you?
Tink: Nope.
Hoop: Babe... Are you worried?
Tink: I said "NO."
Hoop: You have nothing to worry about. I love you. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
Tink: Now you're catching on.

Have a GREAT weekend!

200th Post!

And to celebrate...

(Thank you Folioweekly for providing the blog fodder.)

I Saw You:

SHOOTING STAR. Met at a wedding 6/24. That night on the blanket I popped a question. Love shack, camping, late night boat rides a must. Will share my Pirate food with you, if you promise to loath me tomorrow. I hope it wasn't YOUR wedding. And what's with the Pirate food and loathing? First Pirates of the Caribbean spawns a toy line, then a clothing fad... now a fetish?

VERY BAD DADDY. You broke my heart! I saw you riding up to me on your hot Harley. Go Daddy Go! Stay Daddy Stay! Do you want me? Why won't you say? Are you ready to play? Maybe even all day. You're not Dr. Seuss Mmmkay? You should really get some help, today.

TAKE OUT. I get sushi at your Japanese restaurant a lot. You always make me smile when you're mean to your waitresses. Your aggressive nature makes me hotter than wasabi! Take me to Chinatown you sexy beast! Well at least you know he likes to eat fish. Go for it girl.

HOMELESS HOTTIE. Me: Waiting for my ride, eating chips and Salsa. You: New in town, sipping a soda, looking like you need a place to stay. Let me know. Way to aim high dude.

CALLING ALL CARS. How could I have met you more innocently! You had the best hands I ever saw. Built like a brick house. I truly was sorry. I knew I smelled also. Justice is sweet. Come on baby get in. So... He arrested you. And you think he'd be interested in dating? Lemme guess. You were caught with drugs, right? Hallucinogenics by the sound of it.

Men Seeking Women:

STRADIVARIUS QUALITY. The older the violin, the sweeter the music. Looking for lady 50 plus, who wants to be well treated and appreciated by a stimulating, well educated older man. Young, hot chicks need not apply (regretfully). Pffft, "Young, hot chicks." Dream on. What you should "regret" is using this lame college paper to pick up a girlfriend.

TIME SHARE. Tingly kisses, passionate showers, personal foot massages, cool conversations. Whatever our situations, we all need a great escape! The best fantasy is a great memory! Friends without boundaries. Single white male, 6',200, 50, non-smoker, non-drinker, seeking adventurous female. I'm still stuck on the "time share" part. Are you planning on trading off on this individual?

WRITER SEEKS LOVE. I'm 19, laid-back and hopefully what you're looking for. I have much ambition to succeed in life and wish to go far. I'm not specifically looking for the love of my life. But you know, anything can happen. You are 19! Wait two more years ok? Then you can up pick someone at the bar like everyone else. Ya nerd.

September Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. arabella signup Contrary to popular belief, I am not the leader of her fan club.
2. arabella wedding I'm sure it was lovely.
3. arabella butt Are you stalking her?
4. pickled dingo Was it the Dingo that ate your baby?
5. sea shels world Gee wouldn't that be... fun.
6. cool birthmark *Bows* Why thank you!
7. "red red blue blue blue red" The last thing you see before your life is over.

DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter, "Getting Somewhere." Check it out! You wouldn't want to miss out on a guest appearance from one of childhood's classic fables.

Thank you all for sticking with me this long! I'm so grateful for all the wonderful people I've met through blogging. Here's to another 100 posts.

Pirattitude

Ahoy Bilge Rats!

Do ye know what today be? Avast! It's "International Talk Like A Pirate Day." Don't be a Lubber. Grab some grog and join me on the plank. Be sure to brush up on your Pirate Speak first. Arrr.

Or if you insist on bein' a smartie, the translator will assist you. But ye'll ne'er get me buried booty!

Fun Pirate Stuff, Arrr!
1. Need an official Pirate name? Check out this generator. An' tell 'em Fancy Pants Pete sent ye.
2. While yer at it, name your ship. An' if ye don't have a ship, hop aboard The Poison Saber of the Sargasso Sea fer a good time!
3. But before ye go lookin' fer a village to pillage, find out what kind of Pirate ye be.

*************

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: I eat all kinds of shit.
Tink: Literally?
Hoop: If you serve it...
Tink: How about some Poopkin Pie?
Hoop: Delicious!
Tink: Poop-A-Mint Pattie?
Hoop: Mmm Mmm.
Tink: Poopchops and Pooptatoes?
Hoop: Yummy.
Tink: I'm glad we ate BEFORE this conversation started.

5 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. America WANTS us to be fat... If it wasn't true, wouldn't health food be LESS expensive than the unhealthy stuff? At McDonalds you can get a meal with a hamburger, fries, and a drink for about $3. But to get a salad with some chicken on it and no drink, it's close to $5. One of my favorite places to eat is Crispers. Unfortunately Hoop and I can't afford to eat there too often. Not when their salads have an $8 ticket attached to them. So tell me... I can handle it. Is lettuce endangered? Are activists going to start dumping paint on my plate whenever I order a Caesar? Next thing you know they'll be advertising "Imitation Lettuce." It'll have half the nutritional value (which is pretty close to zero anyway) and be ten times less expensive. *Sigh* I think I'll go have a Big Mac. P.S. No lettuce leaves were harmed in the making of this post. End.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: *Groan*
Hoop: What's wrong babe?
Tink: I have a pot belly.
Hoop: Pfft. Whatever. You just ate.
Tink: Yeah, but does it look healthy?
Hoop: I don't understand.
Tink: You said you like girls who look "healthy."
Hoop: But you are! You're... fed.
Tink: What?! *Buries head*
Hoop: Oh shit. Are you crying or laughing?
Tink: Both. If it weren't so damn funny, I'd be SO mad at you right now!

The Rundown

Weekend Recap:
1. Friday night Hoop and I picked up four movies: Nell, Fantastic-Four, Blade Runner, and Cheech and Chong UIS.
2. Could these movies be any more different from each other?
3. Watching all four back-to-back can cause the brain to bend in odd directions trying to make them correlate.
4. Like, "Wouldn't Cheech have understood Nell perfectly? I mean, I can't understand what either of them is saying."
5. After grabbing the movies, Hoop and I made a pitstop at a coworker's house.
6. She was having a bonafide "Country Party."
7. Which means big dogs, loud music, plenty of booze and redneck wrestling in the back yard.
8. We tried to stay only five minutes. But it took Hoop forty-five just to get out of the clutches of some woman who kept calling him my husband.
9. Saturday Hoop and I took a bike ride down town...
10. ...which ended in me dodging cars and cussing him out.
11. Mental note: do not take a novice rider onto busy one-lane cobblestone roads. If she doesn't get killed first, she WILL cause a scene.
12. After the fiasco ride we dropped the bikes off at Hoop's Mom's house and went back down town for a walk...
13. ...and a greasy lunch with Gelato for dessert.
14. We probably consumed more calories than we burned. But it's a start.
15. Saturday night Hoop and I went shark tooth hunting.
16. The first pile of shells produced two gorgeous specimens.
17. And then we walked and didn't find anything more for over an hour.
18. Until we went back to the first pile where we found four more.
19. We like to believe we're "experts."
20. But in truth, no amount of crackpot theories will make us smarter than Mother Nature.
21. Like, "I think there are more teeth where the water hisses and pops."
22. And that theory was made while completely sober.
23. Sunday I went to my parents' house to help them clean. My Grandpa from Arizona is coming to visit next weekend.
24. Hoop opted to stay home. (-50 brownie points)
25. While at my parents' I met the newest addition to the family, Emma, a stray.

26. She's so thin I could wrap one arm around her waist.
27. They're going to try and fatten her up before deciding to keep her or give her to another family.
28. When I got home, nine hours later, I saw that Hoop had relandscaped the front yard. It's gorgeous. (+150 brownie points)
29. Which gives me a reason to call my Realtor, who hasn't responded to my emails in three days.
30. I feel that if I'm stuck with this woman for two and a half more months I'm allowed to be as annoying as possible...
31. ...stopping only if I start to annoy myself.
32. Hoop and I laid low last night, indulging in this slice of heaven:

33. Which I'm going to bike ride to get rid of tomorrow.

Spam Mail:
Virile Ft. from Leopold Barker
Horrible Probation from Wilfred Gamble Is there a good kind?
Arbitrator Neutrality from Osmond Thompson
Hairy Grating from Silvester Kirkpatrick


Contest courtesy of Odd Mix:

Touch


Release


(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Venus Flytrap...


...Catching Lunch.


Up Close


Nosy


Sleeping Tourist

Got Tits?

Growing up, they told me I had equal rights.

They lied.

The building I work in is divided into two neat sections, the office and the sales room. Any guesses where the bathrooms are located? When I started, I chalked it up to the building being so old. "Of course the women's restroom would be on the office side and the men's in the sales. This company was started back in the 50's!" But then they remodeled... and NOTHING got changed.

For the first time in three years we hired a female warehouse employee. Being the training coordinator, and the only woman on the men's sales side, I tried to make her as comfortable as possible with the awkward bathroom situation. But in the end it didn't really matter. You can only smooth a situation over so much. The facts were, she had to ask permission to be let into the office. She had to ask permission to pee. And at 5 o'clock we all went home and this poor girl stayed on for four more hours without access to the loo.

Yesterday I requested some help from one of the sales supervisors. He suggested a lunch meeting for today. I've played the corporate game. I've gone to lunch meetings, dinner meetings, meet-n-greets, and 4am seminars. So you can understand how offended I was by what happened next. I received an email from this supervisor. "Maybe we should take separate cars and meet there. I don't want anyone to think we're fucking." Because I'm just office meat, right? How professional.

It's a never ending juggle. How do you play in a man's world, still maintain your femininity, and not have it counted against you? It's because of this that I have a love/hate relationship with my pussy. It's something no man, no matter how sensitive he is, will understand. To resent a part of your body... To not be counted for what's in your head, but rather what's in your pants... To know you will always be counted as less... is a cruel realization.

And I for one, am sick of it.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: I need to find a job!
Tink: We need to sell this house so I can get out of mine.
Hoop: At least you have a job.
Tink: Yeah, one that requires me to have a dick to get respect.
Hoop: If it makes you feel any better, I feel like someone's removed my cock-n-balls.
Tink: Well if you're not using them, can I borrow them for awhile?

Courtesy of Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...

Touch
Release

It's not to late to join the fun!

September Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. When is Hoop's birthday? It was on August 9th. Maybe you were there and just too drunk to remember?
2. pecker rock by mount rushmore So they were created anatomically correct!
3. smoker craft stiletto Steamboat by day. Shoe by night.
4. a-d type personalities It's catching on. Mwahahaha.
5. ugly orange clothes Hoop has one he can contribute to your collection.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Duff, NO!
Tink: What was he doing?
Hoop: Chewing on a piece of poop.
Tink: Ewww. No more kisses from him tonight.
Hoop: It was hanging out of his mouth like a big wad of chewing gum... Only, he wasn't just going to chew it.
Tink: Well that settles it.
Hoop: What?
Tink: You've officially put me off gum for life.

Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
Hoop: Yesterday they caught Boog (Nash's two year old son) chewing on something. They made him spit it out and saw it was a tooth!
Tink: Does he have teeth to lose?
Hoop: You don't understand. It was a huge adult molar.
Tink: What?!
Hoop: As it turns out, Mal (Tech's 12yr old daughter) had lost a tooth and it had dropped on the ground-
Tink: *Bursts out laughing* -Were they freaked?
Hoop: Finding an adult molar in a 2yr old's mouth? Uh, yeah.

Adding Insult To Injury: As I was walking outside on break, talking with my Mom on the phone, I tripped on the curb and fell flat on my face... just as our district manager pulled up to witness it. Oy.

Mindless Dribble

Last night I fell asleep sitting up.

And then I dreamt that one of my coworkers was hired on by my Mom to be a nanny.

She arrived dressed like Mary Poppins.

I don't know what's going on in my head anymore.

10 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. Hoop and I took a five mile bike ride last night. You'd think my legs would hurt. Nope. It's my ass. As I limped around the office this morning everyone had a suggestion for my problem. "Buy the biggest maxi-pads you can find for when you ride." Oh sure! Because they were so much fun to wear when I was thirteen and terrified of tampons. Let's just add wearing a diaper to my misery. People are always filled with advice. It's what we do. It makes us feel smart and helpful. But honestly, how many times has someone asked you for help and you've talked out your ass giving stinky advice? Hmm? One of my best friends in seventh grade asked me if she should get her hair cut. I had just gotten a horrible bob a few months ago, leaving my once silky tresses into a blonde afro. So of course I told her yes... She looked like a pumpkin. I felt awful as she cried her way through school the next day. Nowadays I try not to give advice just for the sake of giving advice. Instead I give options. "Option A will leave you here. But Option B might be better because-" I should have been in healthcare. You know who shouldn't work in healthcare? Hypochondriacs... I think my dog Duff has Panophobia, the fear of EVERYTHING. We had to convince him the bikes were not going to eat him. Every time we bring home a new piece of furniture he refuses to walk near it or make eye contact. Crickets make him jump. Dogs are supposed to have really keen senses. So I wonder sometimes, "What's he know that we don't?" End.

Spam Mail:
Rosary Assurance from Geffrey Dejesus
Trash Tone from Morris Rios

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: Do you know how I can tell the coffee is old?
Coworker: It smells burnt?
Tink: No. It's green.
Coworker: GREEN?
Tink: Yeah. No matter how many creamers you add it never gets any lighter. Instead it turns this funky greenish-grey color.
Coworker: So why are you drinking it?
Tink: Because I'm a junky.
Coworker: I'm going to go brew another pot.
Tink: There's enough for one more cup in there.
Coworker: Uh... I'll pass.
Tink: Suit yourself Sam-I-Am.

Blog Block

I'm having a bit of blog block today.

That or I have plenty to say, just no time to say it. I can't decide.

So instead of my usual lengthy post about nothing and everything... Here are three conversations for your amusement.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While watching the Visa Check Card commercial about the missing pot of gold)
Tink: Is it the gold or the pot that makes the rainbow?
Hoop: I have no idea.
Tink: Because I always thought it was the gold. And if that's the case, shouldn't the rainbow lead people to the bank now?
Hoop: I think it's the Leprechaun that makes the rainbow.
Tink: Ohhh. So that's just a diversion rainbow!

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: You know how our waitress at TGIFridays said they're hurting for lunch business?
Tink: Yeah, why is that you think?
Hoop: Probably because there aren't any corporations around there.
Tink: True.
Hoop: Well, I was thinking. They should start marketing to all the old people in town.
Tink: Not bad. They don't work. So they wouldn't have to worry about time or travel restrictions.
Hoop: Easy-chew lunches!
Tink: *Blink* What?
Hoop: That could be their marketing strategy.

Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
Hoop: Look, a rainbow.
Tink: Ooo that's pretty.
...
Tink: You know I have nothing against homosexuality.
Hoop: Me either.
Tink: I've had a lot of gay friends over the years.
Hoop: What are you getting at here babe?
Tink: It's just... I really wish they hadn't stolen the rainbow!
Hoop: *Snort*
Tink: I like rainbows. I might even have put one on my car. But I can't now.
Hoop: You would totally get hit on.
Tink: A rainbow isn't just a rainbow anymore.

5 O' Clock Somewhere

Weekend Recap:
1. Friday night Hoop and I spent six hours watching the end of "Lost: Season Two."
2. And we haven't stopped picking it apart since.
3. Although WHAT we pick apart has been entirely different.

Tink: Maybe they've landed on Atlantis.
Hoop: HOW can you think Sawyer is cute?
Tink: Or maybe it's cloaked like the Bermuda triangle.
Hoop: He's funny looking, especially his chest.
Tink: Do you think Desmond's girl is in on it?
Hoop: He has weird definitions around his pecs. Like man-cleavage.
Tink: Did you just say "man-cleavage?"

4. We lowered the asking price for our house with the expectation that it would bring more people in over the weekend.
5. Not a single person showed up.
6. This sucks.
7. Especially since I went to the trouble of picking all my hair up off the bathroom floor... and from the sink, and in the tub, and off the mirror, and wrapped around the toilet dispenser.
8. Our bathroom looks like the stage for a Rogaine commercial.
9. Do you think there's much money in wig making?
10. No word on how the showing went on Friday.
11. But there weren't any bloody ankles left behind so I'm feeling it went well on our end.
12. Saturday Hoop and I bought bikes. I was thrilled.
13. Until my cooch started hurting from the seat and we got winded after half a mile.
14. Which means we're going to bike ride EVERY day until we're not pussies anymore.
15. My new slogan is, "What would Foo do?"
16. After our bike ride we decided to reenergize with some Sushi.
17. Complete with a public chopstick fight...
18. ...involving me pretending to pluck Hoop's eyeball out with my wooden sticks...
19. ...and Hoop continuously questioning why they didn't just invent spoons.
20. Yesterday, while crossing the fort wall down town, we passed three fishermen. One stared me down and sang, "La la la, CAMEL-TOE."
21. The people here are disturbed.
22. Don't drink the water in Florida folks.
23. And for your information, the "toe" was not "cameled." Hmph.
24. We finally received a letter from Nash in boot camp.
25. The majority of which was a joke.
26. So I need a couple good ones to send back. *hint hint*
27. Last night we went to see "Little Miss Sunshine."
28. Ok, I DRAGGED Hoop to go see it.
29. It was good. I give it one thumb up. If for nothing more than making me realize how dysfunctional my family ISN'T. :)


Contest courtesy of Odd Mix:

Conserve


Perform


(Some Random Weekend Pictures)

Unripe


Nature's Palette


Preparing The Cannon


"Cover Your Ears!"


(Oddities Around Town)

Odd Car


Odd Fountain


REALLY Odd Display


Oddly, Art.


Spam Mail:
Chock-full Seasonal from Monica Jimenez
Ecumenical from Simon Irwin Ecu-what?
Helping Revive Blanket from Cora Dubois
Additionally Carbonated from Jimmy Clemons

September Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. bambi hermaphrodite Alien is not alone!
2. weird roadtrips You can never have too many.
3. "his tighty" whities?

Happy Fucking Friday

I'm having an anxiety attack.

The realtor just called to say that there are people looking at our house right now. You're probably thinking, "Well that's what happens when you put your house on the market, Tink." But it's different this time. You see, this will be the first showing where the dogs have been in the house without us... with strangers. I'm not sure who I'm more worried about. It's almost enough to make me haul ass home.

My head sounds like it's filled with a bunch of pre-teen girls at a slumber party. If I were to slow it down for you, you might hear:

"Are the dogs still there? What if Jazz got out and they couldn't get her back in? What if I come home to find a blood trail from where the dogs gnawed off the ankles of our unsuspecting house guests? Or maybe they just took off a finger. A small one. Would they sue? How much damage could a 20lb dog really do? It's not like they'd want to steal her. She's ugly. But Duff's kind of cute. Fingers probably bleed a lot. How will we sell the house then? Nothing gets up blood. NOTHING!"

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While watching "Lost: Season 2" on DVD)
Hoop: Man, this show is twisted!
Tink: I know. You think you're getting somewhere and then they throw in that hooker.
Hoop: There's a Hooker?!
Tink: Uh, NO. Not that kind of Hooker. I was referring to the part where they get you hooked and then drag you along for the ride.
Hoop: Oh.
Tink: Dork.
Hoop: So... You about ready to watch some more Hookers?
Tink: No. But I'm ready to go watch another hooker.

Courtesy of Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...

Conserve
Perform

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
(Driving home from dinner)
Tink: *Puts in CD*
Hoop: Who's this?
Tink: Mindy Smith
Hoop: Is this... COUNTRY?
Tink: NO.
Hoop: *Gasp* You're listening to country!
Tink: I don't listen to country.
Hoop: Are you a closet redneck, baby?
Tink: *Lightly punches Hoop's arm*
Hoop: Alright, alright. You're NOT a redneck.
Tink: Thank you.
Hoop: A redneck would have known how to hit.

DOT: After much delay, Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter. "The Name Game," not just a fun activity you played as a kid. Click on over and tell me what you think!

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!