A Bunch Of Shit I Just Threw Together

Van at FuriousBlog tagged me I-don't-even-know-how-long-ago and I've ignored the email ever since. It's not because I don't adore him. I just... Well, memes make me cringe a little. If I get one more request for four unique facts about me, I'm going to start telling people shit that isn't true. Like maybe I have a sexual fetish for Post-it notes. Oh yeah, wrap your brain around that one my friends.

(two other names you go by)
Babe and Cristinky
(two things you are wearing right now)
clothes and dog hair
(two things you would want (or have) in a relationship)
laughter and the ability to forgive
(two of your favorite things to do)
make up new lyrics to songs on the fly and take trips with Hoop
(two things you want very badly at the moment)
a vacation and a big wad of found cash
(two pets you had/have)
a mouse named Lucky (who wasn't) and a mouse named Zoa (after spermatozoa)
(two people you think will fill this out)
you and you
(two things that you did last night)
ate steak and opened presents
(two things you ate today)
chips and cake (but not together)
(two people you last talked to)
Hoop and the voice in my head
(two things you’re doing tomorrow)
driving to our other facility and training a new employee
(two longest car rides)
Indiana to Florida and then Florida to Indiana (four times!)
(two favorite holidays)
Halloween and Christmas
(two favorite beverages)
coffee and key lime water
(two people no longer alive who you’d like to talk to)
Amelia Earhart and Roald Dahl

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Do I have weird elbows?
Hoop: Yup.
Tink: You mean your arms don't go in and then out again if you hold them out in front of you with your palms up?
Hoop: Um, NO.
Tink: Why did it take me twenty-five years to realize I have dysfunctional arms?!
Hoop: Your arms aren't dysfunctional, babe. Just your elbows.
Tink: Oh God I hope our kids take after you. We're going to have mutant babies, I just know it.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: My boss yelled at me again for not putting the toilet seat down. I told her, "Well maybe women should learn to put the seat up!" I don't want to have to touch it. That's gross!
Tink: They don't want to have to touch it either! Besides, guys are the ones that dribble all over the place.
Hoop: Well maybe I'll just start peeing with the seat down.
Tink: I'm glad I don't have to deal with that. I have two private bathrooms at my disposal, one to pee in and one to poop in.
Hoop: *Chokes*
Tink: What, you thought I stayed at this job for the MONEY?

January Search Terms:
1. "turned to poo" Why you should NEVER piss off your Fairy Godmother.
2. blowjob revenge knife Ouch
3. I'm too chubby for my shirt
4. How to attract fairies to come inside your house Pizza and beer
5. It can never be over until it's over

I'm off to my company's other facility. See you on Friday Homebloys!

Weekly Words Challenge 20!

I was going to post a rant yesterday about how bad snot is for my skin...

But then our Internet went down and saved you.

My little brother called this morning to tell me I was getting old. The little shit. Just wait until he turns twenty-five. I'm going to buy him a walker! This year my birthday is marked with many other events: the Florida elections, our quarter sales meeting, my period. *SIGH* I woke up at 5:30 this morning so I could leave with enough time to vote and still make it to work my usual ten minutes late. I didn't think it would be difficult to accomplish, considering the polling place was only two minutes away from our house. Of course that meant I got lost.

Actually I could SEE the building, I just couldn't get to it. I drove up and down the road for five minutes looking for a place that crossed the ten foot fence dividing us. Finally the old man standing out front took pity on me. "Just hop the fence!" He yelled. Yeah oh-kay buddy. Maybe if I hadn't been wearing five inch heels. "How do I get over there?" I yelled back. He explained that I had to enter through the park on the other side of the main road. Basically, without having to draw you a map, I'm a fucking idiot. There were political signs making an arrow to the entrance.

I left the polling place feeling exuberant. There's something thrilling about voting. Maybe it's because no one will ever really know who I chose. Maybe it's because life so seldom offers us a choice. I recommend everyone doing it. It's sad to me that 90% of the people I know don't vote. They don't care. They're too busy. They're scared. Whatever the reason, it's lame. I promise you, if you do it once you'll be hooked. Even if your candidate doesn't win, at least you'll know that you tried. For four years I've been rubbing it in, "Well I didn't vote for HIM." Voting is power, dude.

The words for this week were Pride and Circle.

How did you interpret them?

Members Of My Pride

Fairy-Boy!


Trident-Man!

It's amazing what you'll find when you clean out a garage.

Circle












(Random Pictures)



The words for next week are:

Narrow
and
Broad

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.

A Snotty Post

The first thing Hoop did when he woke up from anesthesia was tweak my boob and tell me to close the door. No, I'm not kidding. He doesn't remember a bit of it either. When the receptionist called me back to collect him, she directed me to what I initially thought was a closet. There was barely enough space in the "room" to squeeze past the bed. "How'd they get you in here, babe?" I asked after awhile. "Maybe the doctor carried me?" Hoop said. "Then he kissed me on the forehead and told me I did well." "Oh yeah?" "Hey, what's that?" He said, reaching for a blood pressure monitor.

The dentist walked in just as Hoop was trying to roll the aneroid monitor back up. "What are you doing?" The dentist snapped, grabbing the device out of Hoop's hands. How do people with no sense of humor get into a field dealing with people? Wouldn't they be better suited to deal with lumber or car parts or something? Sheesh. "Can I have my teeth?" Hoop asked. "No," the dentist snapped again. "It's against health code." Then he handed me a prescription note and walked out the door. Charming person, really. "Ask for more Valium," Hoop hissed as the nurse came back in to give us instructions.

"Make sure he doesn't talk..." Said as Hoop was blah-blah-blahing in the background. "Make sure he doesn't eat anything dairy for the next few hours..." Shit, everything we bought had milk in it! "Call us if you have any problems." Sure thing Ms. Personality. She talked to me as if I were a small child or someone too incompetent to function. "Are you driving?" She asked, implying she didn't think me capable. "Yes-" "-Fine. I'll walk him out back." Like Hoop were a parcel for me to pick up. "I can walk," Hoop said, getting to his feet. "I don't think so," She said, pressing him back down on bed again.

When I pulled up the car, the nurse opened the door and then strapped Hoop in. Then she watched me as I maneuvered a backwards three-point turn. No pressure or anything. Hoop chatted cheerfully the entire way back. I tried to get him to lie down when we got home, but he was having none of it. So we hopped back in the car to pick up movies. That afternoon, two movies and four Vicodins (for Hoop) later, I was feeling worse and he was feeling much better. While I napped, he cleaned out the garage. I awoke some time later to him unpacking my boxes of clothes into the dresser.

"What are you doing?" I mumbled. "I never knew you had such nice clothes! Look at this shirt babe. Here, try it on." Apparently downers make Hoop very hyper. It was a blessing that he felt no pain, because very shortly I would be. I'm still embarrassed that I made such a lousy nurse. I ended up crashing out at nine and didn't wake up again until this morning. I'm feeling slightly better now. Although everything I eat tastes like snot. Snot coffee. Snot soup. Snot Twinkies. Mmmm. Don't you wish you could be like me? You can! I just sneezed on the screen.

P.S. Don't forget the WWC words this week are PRIDE and CIRCLE. Happy clicking!

Have a speldiferous weekend Homebloys!

At Least It's Not His Funny Bone

Hoop is having all four of his wisdom teeth extracted tomorrow.

To prepare, I've bought the ingredients for a proper "last meal"... Steak. In 2006, back when Hoop and I were staying with my family, I had my wisdom teeth removed and my parents decided to have steak to celebrate. Of course I couldn't eat any of it. But I'm not bitter. I'm just waiting for the day they have some dental procedure done so I can sit on their front step eating a big juicy t-bone.

Hoop is understandably nervous about tomorrow. Me, I'm just trying to convince my body that I'm not really getting the flu. Because that would just be lousy timing, wouldn't it? We've stocked up on soup and Slim Fast for the patient and I've resigned myself to only eating things Hoop doesn't like for the next week, like salad. Don't pity me. Hoop doesn't have to know what's IN the salad. So what if mix my greens with ham and potatoes?

Stoopid Peapole

Dear Obnoxious Morning Commuter;

If you're going to stare at someone, at least have a response for when they decide to stare back. I tried to ignore you when you stopped short at the red light (three car-lengths away from the car in front of you!) just so your vehicle could be next to mine. I prayed for that light to change. When I finally decided to glance your way, thinking maybe you had a reason for trying to get my attention, you stared as if I had a boob growing out of my forehead. So I stared back, waiting for that moment when you realized you'd been caught. But you continued to look in that same blank way. "Oh my God," I mouthed at you. Then I flashed you my engagement ring. Still, you stared. Fortunately the light had to turn green, as is the nature of those things. So I floored it through the next set of lights until you were just a speck on the horizon. I actually feared what I might do to you if we were caught side by side again. Like maybe I might take this car and smash it through your back-end. Yeah. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Neat Link:

The makers of this site are BRILLIANT. Click on it and wait a few seconds.

See you on Friday!

Weekly Words Challenge 19!

The words for this week were Envy and Triangle.

How did you interpret them?

Envy

I've always wanted a fireplace...

...and a spiral staircase.


Triangle




(Random Pictures)

Taking A Snooze

I didn't even know these guys. But I thought it was funny that the one fell asleep before the movie had even started. Apparently his friend thought it was funny too.

Mini

The smallest of my parents' dogs, Copper, is only seven pounds!

Nuzzle


The words for next week are:

Pride
and
Circle

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.

Blue Monday

According to experts, today is the most depressing day of the year. Chock it up to Christmas bills, nasty weather, failed resolutions, and low motivation. So make sure you do something nice for yourself today. The good news is, it shouldn't get any worse from here... *in bed.

*"In bed" is what my family adds to the end of sentences, namely fortune cookies and horoscopes, to make them more interesting. But we've also been known to use them to make light of potentially jinxing words. I'd hate for my "famous last words" to be something about life getting better and than I get hit by a manure truck or something. How shitty. Literally.

MOVIE REVIEWS

Cloverfield:
Godzilla, only a million times better. I was a bit nervous going into this movie due to all the signs warning of possible motion sickness. The film was recorded using hand cameras so it would feel more realistic, and I've been known to get dizzy watching these kinds of films. Fortunately, despite the neck-aching angles, the movie itself was so captivating that I never once felt like leaving. In fact, the people around us were actually sitting on the edge of their seats. More than once I turned to Hoop and exclaimed, "I can't believe how cool this is!" The guys at Bad Robot, also the producers of Lost, are absolutely genius. There are those who criticize this movie as being a "9/11 Thrill Ride". To them I say, pffft. You wouldn't know a good film if it came out of the water and bit your head off. Hoop and I give this movie five out of five sporks.

Golden Compass:
After reading the book and seeing the movie, I'm STILL not sure what the hype was all about. As far as fantasies go, this story rates about average at best. All the characters seem a bit unlikeable and the mysteries, even when finally unraveled, are confusing and sloppily connected. The graphics in the movie were magnificent, but the action was slow and the ending cut off without any solid conclusion. The biggest issue I had with this film though was that it advertised as if it were a family movie. It wasn't. In one scene an animal gets its jaw knocked clean off. The children behind me promptly burst into tears as one man in the back shouted, "What the fuck?!" Overall, Hoop and I give this movie two out of five sporks.

Movies On The Horizon!
Iron Man - May 2nd
Speed Racer - May 9th
Chronicles Of Narnia (Prince Caspian) - May 16th
Indiana Jones (Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull) - May 22nd
Incredible Hulk - June 13th
Hellboy 2 - July 11th
Mummy (Tomb Of The Dragon) - August 1st
Punisher (War Zone) - September 12th
Where The Wild Things Are - October 3rd
City Of Ember - October 10th
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - November 21st
Halo - Late 2008
Smurfs - Late 2008
Terminator 4 - Late 2008

Slower Than Snails In Syrup

(Mmm, syrup.)

That's what mode my brain is on today. I should be doing something productive, like writing another chapter for TT (or working). But instead I'm reading up on Scientology. I hope there aren't any subliminal messages hidden in this shit. If I start jumping on couches or staring at you for a really long time without blinking, get help. On the other hand, maybe I could start using the excuse, "It wasn't me! The aliens Body Thetans made me do it." Here's a pretty informative paragraph about the "origin" of the religion:

"Hubbard asserted that some 70 million years ago, our planet, then called Teegeeack, had been one of the 76 planets of the Galactic Confederation. The Confederation was badly overpopulated, with hundreds of billions on each planet. Xenu (also called 'Xemu' by Hubbard), the president of the Confederation, ruled that the excess population should be sent to Teegeeack, put alongside volcanoes and subjected to nuclear explosions. The spirits, or Thetans, of the victims were then 'implanted' with religious and technological images for 36 days. They were then sent to either Hawaii or Las Palmas to be stuck together into clusters. Human beings, so Hubbard said, are actually a collection of Thetans, a cluster of "Body Thetans." Xenu was rounded up six years after the event and imprisoned in a mountain. According to Hubbard, anyone remembering this material would die."

Did you hear that? Don't remember this material or you will DIE! God these people are freaky. I found out why Cruise kept mentioning that he'd be the only person able to help during a car accident. Apparently rich ambitious Scientologists can move up in the ranks to possess psychic abilities! These powers include the ability to change conditions purely through intentions and to read minds. God, that must be convenient. I wonder why he didn't make us love his last movie than.

Well read this Cruise. I'm thinking something. Are you getting it? Is it coming through OK? That's right, you suck. I really liked Katie Holmes. She was cute, respectable and NORMAL. But you had to brainwash her away from us and impregnate her with cult-leader-sperm. I will never forgive you. Never. Now we're stuck with celebrities like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. The first one claims to have split personalities and I think the second might be one of them. So do the decent thing and release her, man. I swear I'll stop making fun of you (in public).

P.S. Don't forget, the WWC words for this week are ENVY and TRIANGLE. Happy snapping!

Have a sporktastic weekend homebloys!

I Hate Elves

I had a meeting in Orlando yesterday for work. Here are the notes I took:

"Does anyone else find it disconcerting that there are so many elves in the work field? Rice Crispie has them. Keebler has them. Santa has a whole shop of them! I seriously suspect the Lucky Charms leprechaun is really an elf in disguise. Are they cheaper? Are they able to work longer hours? Please, I want to know. Because I think it's awfully unfair that they've cornered the market like they have. I like toys and food! I don't even mind wearing pointy shoes."

This came after I snagged a chocolate chip cookie from the snack tray and realized it had fudge in the middle. FUDGE... in my COOKIE. Like, it wasn't really a cookie at all, but rather a fudge square disguised with a delicious looking cookie shell. But I wouldn't really know that because there wasn't even enough cookie to pick off. I of course blamed the Keebler elves. They're obviously fucking with us.

As you can tell, I learned a lot from this meeting.

In Other News:

Tom Cruise is crazy. Surprise, surprise. Watch this video as he explains his views on Scientology. At least that's what I think he's doing. I didn't actually understand anything he said other than "you're either in it or not," a dozen times. I get it dude. You have to join the cult to get the free punch. I think I'll pass.

Hoop and I watched "Hellboy" two nights ago. The movie makes a reference to Rasputin, who (until this film) I hadn't known much about. Then Hoop mentioned some old legend about Rasputin defying death despite being poisoned, shot, and stabbed. So of course I had to google the man. What I read wasn't nearly as fascinating as this picture I found. Check out the chick with the mustache. Egad. Did they not have wax back then?!

Anyhoop, I'm out of rambles. Hope your day is going well homebloys!

Weekly Words Challenge 18!

The words for this week were Soft and Square.

How did you interpret them?

Soft


Square


(NOT Squares)

*Pictures I thought were of squares until the Shape Police *cough*Hoop*cough* informed me that they are of RECTANGLES. Oh poo.

Red Brick Road


Stone Stairs


Square Rectangle Light Design


(Random)

Wha?

What the hell is an air potato and why do they want the vines?!

The words for next week are:

Envy
and
Triangle

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.

2nd Annual Golden Spork Awards!

Who needs the Golden Globes when there are shiny sporks to be had?

Feel free to strut your stuff on your way up to the podium, folks. You deserve it. In fact, most of you could have fit into multiple categories. But I stuck with one each to be fair. That and I'd hate to have to use your award to pop your ego. Exploding heads are such messy business. Bleh.

"Funniest" Spork Award
(These people make me want to pee my pants on a daily basis.)
Jay
Brody
CaryMc
Sarah
Meno

"Endearing" Spork Award
(Some of the sweetest and most kind hearted people I've ever met.)
Alli
Chelle
Turtle
Mary
Backpacker Momma

"Savory" Spork Award
(Best all around. I can't go a day without checking these blogs.)
R.E.H.
Allison
Newt
Susan
Furiousball

"Inspiring" Spork Award
(Amazing photographers with an eye for everyday art.)
G-Man
Hilary
Odd Mix
Gawilli
Aunt Jackie

"Articulate" Spork Award
(Some of the most impressive writers in the blogosphere.)
Anastasia
Maggie
Mignon
Orhan Kahn
Flutter

"Delightfully Snarky" Spork Award
(Wit and sarcasm at it's finest!)
Fiwa
Karen
Betty
Birdman
Scarlet

"Fascinating" Spork Award
(Bloggers that make me think and learn.)
Peggy
Foo
Jo
MJD
Reb
Coffespaz

"Crafty/Creative" Spork Award
(They have more talent in their pinkie toe than my whole office combined.)
Mouse
Kell
Chris
Gary
Tigers

"Blog-God" Spork Award
(The celebrities of the blogosphere.)
Corky
Mamatulip
Rude Cactus
Jay (Goat)
Sunshine

"Bold and Beautiful" Spork Award
(These people are more interesting than Spanish soaps.)
Alex
Candy
ETK
Melanie
Sparkling Red

"Playful" Spork Award
(I could hang out with these bloggers all day.)
Freakazojd
Har
Cat Herder
Macoosh
Carly

"Clever" Spork Award
(The people that give me pause.)
Doc
Tammy
Edge
Butterfly Girl
Gordo

"Social Butterfly" Spork Award
(They could make friends at a funeral.)
Nettie
Redneck Scottsdale Princess
Christy
Crusty Beef
Joel

"Great New Find" Spork Award
(Welcome to my madness!)
Ginnie D
Jerseytjej
Saffa Chick
Kate
Jeanne Bean
Dana

"Best Looking Blog" Spork Award
(They're too sexy for this blog.)
Janet
Terri
Jen
Moi
Geenalyn

"Favorite Commenter" Spork Award
(To those who diligently comment, even if their blog is dead or nonexistent. So with this award I also give them squatting rights. Mi blog es su blog, friends. Just don't touch my beer, ya hear?)
Pamer
Snookie
J

AWARDS:
You have a choice between a trophy or a button. Grab what you like! The special edition "2 Year" awards are only for those bloggers who received a spork award last year.


2007 Trophy
<a href="http://pickledbeef.blogspot.com/2008/01/2nd-annual-golden-spork-awards.html"><img style="WIDTH: 130px; CURSOR: hand" height="249" alt="" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2214/2193047286_20f33e7b03.jpg" border="0" /></a>


2006-2007 Trophy
<a href="http://pickledbeef.blogspot.com/2008/01/2nd-annual-golden-spork-awards.html"><img style="WIDTH: 130px; CURSOR: hand" height="249" alt="" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2187/2193047142_af120c91ce.jpg" border="0" /></a>


2007 Button
<a href="http://pickledbeef.blogspot.com/2008/01/2nd-annual-golden-spork-awards.html"><img style="WIDTH: 185px; CURSOR: hand" height="105" alt="" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2339/2192259837_1593667e85.jpg" border="0" /></a>


2006-2007 Button
<a href="http://pickledbeef.blogspot.com/2008/01/2nd-annual-golden-spork-awards.html"><img style="WIDTH: 185px; CURSOR: hand" height="105" alt="" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2397/2193047856_e163894333.jpg" border="0" /></a>

Please leave your acceptance speech in the comments below.

The Count Is In

Eighty people commented this week for a Golden Spork Award!

Apparently, you guys love shiny utensils as much as I do. It's going to take me a little longer than today to categorize the winners though. I only made ten categories and now we're going to need sixteen. So expect the awards on Monday. Until then, have a wonderful weekend and don't forget to take pictures for the WWC. The words for this week are SQUARE and SOFT. Happy clicking!

Hey You, Stalker.

This year Chris Cactus, the man with the kid so cute I wonder if she's been genetically engineered, has decided to host Delurker Day. So comment, even if you don't normally. In fact, I'll make it easy on you!

Copy and paste the phrase below:

Hi, my name is (insert name here). I think you're (adjective). My favorite color is (color). My favorite food is (food). When I grow up I want to be a (person). I have a fetish for licking (first thing you see).

Not only could you gain new friends, but you're just in time to receive a Golden Spork Award! Cutoff time for comments is 5pm (Eastern Standard Time) today, by the way. Shiny utensils ROCK.

Overheard Conversation:
Doctor: Who's next?
Nurse: Tink in room 2.
Doctor: What's she here for?
Nurse: Anxiety.
Doctor: Oh! I probably shouldn't have left her waiting so long than.

Spam Subjects:
(In the order I received them)
Cassh Boonus Casinoo Are you cold?
Dating for naughty people They just check "The" list.
Tooter Hoop's perfect job.
Lucidity Only on the weekend.
Unwanted pounds could be easily burnt off That sounds painful!
Wait till she sees you. Yeah, in the Intensive Care Unit.
Gynecological shrapnel It's so sad when pussies explode.

Done With December

And the whole effin' year for that matter!

December Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Monday.
2. The most popular hour being 4pm.
3. The top referrers were Alli and Jay.
4. The most used search term was, "ghetto christmas tree".
5. My favorite search terms were, "batgirl forced to dance," "clown on a moped," and "warming me cockles."
6. The highest hit post (197) was on December 4th, featuring this post, for absolutely no good reason.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. I always leave a bite of food on my plate.
2. I don't know why.
3. Maybe it's so I don't feel guilty for eating the WHOLE thing.
4. Or maybe it's a subconscious tribute to my Homebloys who are no longer in the blogosphere.
5. Ha! You thought that shit had died out. Well think again, Homebloy.
6. I'm addicted to chapstick. Perhaps a little unhealthily.
7. I have a mini meltdown if I can't find any.
8. I've been known to use lotion in a pinch.
9. Five years ago I told a girl to eat raw ham, and she did.
10. She told me she wished she could get a tapeworm so she could lose some weight.
11. I thought she was joking. She wasn't.
12. She didn't get a worm, but she DID get food poisoning...
13. ...and lost EIGHT pounds.
14. You should be careful what you wish for.
15. I like memories with morals.
16. Even really fucked up ones.
17. I have a magic wand on my desk.
18. When I'm really frustrated, I wave it around and pretend it's fixing things.
19. My nickname, Tink, derived from a really strange acid trip when I was seventeen.
20. Apparently, I was trying to climb into my shoe.
21. I was also wearing a very large sweater that gave me the impression that I was shrinking.
22. Not many people know this about me.
23. Well, except you. Oh, and you. And now you.
24. Whatever. I'm not running for President.
25. I'm a very cuddly person.
26. Sometimes, when Hoop is busy doing something else, I just stand next to him and wiggle.
27. I also like to slap his cheeks and then kiss him for a "surprise".
28. It makes the kiss better, I swear.
29. Kind of like the sweet-and-salty concept.
30. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my job was tell my boss that one of our new hires was illiterate.
31. He didn't even give me a chance to apologize to the guy.
*32. I inadvertently create new words all the time.
*33. I blame my large vocabulary...
*34. ...and my slow brain.
*35. Like I'll be thinking, "That was really ---. Do I say 'shitty' or 'crappy'? Which is more appropriate? Have I used either one too much today? I'd hate to sound repetitive."
*36. Meanwhile my impatient mouth blurts out, "That was really critty."
*37. It's my hope that one day words like "Doring" and "Critty" and "Hute" will be in the dictionary.

January Search Terms:
1. What temperatures do a heat wave come up to? You realize it's not a literal wave, right?
2. six year old blogger No matter how old I act, I'm still 24.
3. butt mints skit As long as I can call in a butt double.
4. beef hives I guess that would make me Queen Beef.

Weekly Words Challenge 17!

The words for this week were Strange and Black.

How did you interpret them?

Strange Art

His name is Spike. He's got marbles for balls.

Strange Hill

We later determined it was a gigantic underground septic tank. Blech.

Strange Transportation

I'm guessing it's grounded until the floods come.

Strange and Black

Any guesses? It's part of a Bowflex. Hoop found a cheap used one on Sunday night and couldn't pass up the bargain. I rode the hour home with a huge black bar in my face

(Random Pictures)

Window Flowers


Fallen Leaves


The words for next week are:

Soft
and
Square

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.

The Gown

I said I'd have a "Good-bye December" post for you today.

What was I thinking?!

I got to quirk number five before zoning out for fifteen minutes and then calling it quits. Mondays just aren't suitable for big projects or nasty arguments. That's why I avoid both at all costs until at least Tuesday... Wednesday preferably. So I'll have that post for you on Wednesday, m'kay? Remember, no arguing! Instead, I'm going to share with you something that happened to me this weekend that will probably go down as one of my fondest memories ever.

Saturday morning, Mom and Grandma picked me up for a shopping trip. After hours of driving, on top of an already late start, I was getting anxious to reach our destination. Then the ladies decided it was time for lunch. The whole thing seemed rather odd. Then, just after ordering our food, Grandma disappeared. "She's probably using the bathroom, Mom said. Ten minutes later, Grandma appeared. "I'm just going to run to the restroom," she told me. I stared at Mom in confusion. "But didn't she just-?" Mom shrugged. I put it out of my mind.

After lunch Mom "mistakenly" pulled into a shopping center near the mall. "Oops, wrong turn!" We made loops through the parking lot. "What are we doing?" I finally asked as we pulled into a parking space. "You have a two o'clock appointment," She said, pointing at the bridal shop. "I called at lunch to confirm," Grandma piped in. The two ladies stared at me and grinned. I felt my face flush. It took a minute to get words to come out of my open mouth. "You mean... You tricked me? I had no idea!" Apparently, I get my sneakiness naturally.

Knowing I wouldn't make an appointment myself, I LOATHE trying on clothes (especially in front of an audience), Mom and Grandma had decided to take matters into their own hands. They also knew I couldn't afford a dress, which had done nothing but add to my wedding planning anxiety. They told me they would buy my wedding dress for my birthday. Which is really ridiculous if you consider how much a gown costs. But they knew I couldn't and wouldn't argue. So I took it as the sweet gift it was.

In we went. I was shaking at the sight of all that white. "I'm so nervous!" I whispered to them as our attendant whisked me away to a dressing room. At first I was confused by all the layers, zippers, and ties. It took me forever to figure out where my head went in and where my arms went out. I shuffled out of the room, holding my jiggly bits in, and said to the attendant "Help!" After she was done shifting things about, Mom and Grandma looked on with misty eyes. "You look BEAUTIFUL!" They said.

Oddly, despite the initial nervousness and confusion, I FELT beautiful. There was something about trying those dresses on that made this wedding seem real. Like it wasn't just a date and list of To-Do's. I tried on five dresses in all before we found "The One". In fact, it was the LAST one. "It's discontinued and on sale," the attendant told us. "Discontinued?" Mom said. "On Sale?" My eyes lit up. "Let's not be too hasty," Grandma said. So I tried on a couple more dressed as my ladies guarded the chosen gown.

Evidently, as I found out later, another Mom further down had also wanted my dress. "I want that as soon as she's out of it!" She'd hissed. "Do NOT let that woman get our dress!" Mom had hissed back. After all was said and done, the discontinued dress had won over all the rest. So now I have my wedding gown! But the best part of all was having the women in my family there. It meant the world to me. I hadn't expected such an outpouring of love and support. No matter what else happens with this wedding, that will forever be one of my favorite memories.

The Award You Can Eat With!

Last year, on December 8th, I gave away 43 Golden Spork Awards in appreciation of this blog's 1st birthday. Well... PB's birthday came around again and I missed it, along with the Spork Award Ceremony. Things have been crazy lately. Not only have my posts been sporadic, but I haven't been able to check everyone's blogs as much as I'd like either. So maybe the awards are more justified this year. You all have stuck by me, despite my slow crawl into insanity.

You could have laughed and put spitballs in my hair, but you didn't. *Sniff* You didn't. For that I'm extremely grateful. Starting today, anyone who comments on this blog will receive a Spork Award... FREE. Tallying will start after 5pm (Eastern Standard Time) on Thursday, January 10th. Categories will be based on who is going to receive one. Those who won an award last year will get a badge that has BOTH awards on it. So get to commenting!

New Years Recap:
When Hoop came home on Monday night I was sprawled out on the couch, naked, bare-faced and fast asleep. "Bay-beeee," He crooned softly. "Unnnh," I mumbled back. He let me sleep for a half hour more. When I finally got up, there was drool on my arm and my hair had tangled itself around the remote. I contemplated staying home. But the thought of greeting the new year alone, without Hoop, was unthinkable. I knew it was getting late. "Can I take a shower?" I asked. Bless his heart, Hoop knew better than to complain. We didn't arrive into town until ten.

By the time we showed up, everyone was already drunk. Hoop's Dad mistakenly carried his pint glass out onto the street from the bar. "Ooops," he said, dropping the glass into a bush. "I'll come by and get it later." He never did. "I want to find a crown!" His girlfriend announced. We crossed the street and spun around to look at all the surrounding bars. People flocked in and out of them like sheep. "THERE!" She shouted, pointing at a group wearing plastic top hats. We entered the building and paid the $5 fee. I thought we were just getting hats. I had no idea we planned to STAY.

"I think we're the youngest people in here," I whispered to Hoop, surveying the scene at the VA. Middle-aged women in prom dresses danced to old Madonna songs. Everyone was smoking. I held my breath as we walked to a table in the back, only to find that the air never really cleared. Eventually they broke out the karaoke machine. By then the crowd was thoroughly liquored up. One man got so into his song, he dropped onto the floor and skinned his knees. Hoop's Dad's Girlfriend dragged me out on the dance floor. "Your hips!" She commanded. I looked on at a sea of toothless smiling faces.

At ten til midnight, everyone rose from their seats. "You're blocking the T.V.!" Some old guy yelled. Another man stood on top of a table to see the countdown. People started cheering at five til. "Happy New Year!" One woman shouted in my ear. "You stupid cow, it's not midnight yet!" The man on the table yelled. Some people took to counting. "10..9..8.." The man on the table followed a few seconds after. "10..9..8.." The mix sounded something like this, "10..9..8..10..7..9..6.." I pulled out my phone to check the time. "Now," I said to Hoop at twelve. "Now?" "Now!" And so we brought in the new year.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Why does your hand smell?
Hoop: I don't know.
...
Hoop: Here, smell the other one.
Tink: *Gag* Oh my God. That one smells worse!
Hoop: Yeah, I was scratching my balls.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Do you think the dentist will let me take my wisdom teeth home?
Tink: I don't see why not. Just let them know before they put you under.
Hoop: That would be awesome.
Tink: What're going to do with them?
Hoop: I don't know.
Tink: Maybe the tooth fairy will come.
Hoop: Or maybe I could put them in a statue!

Monday: Good-bye December
Tuesday: WWC (Words this week are STRANGE and BLACK)

Have a spendiferous weekend Homebloys!

Weekly Words Challenge 16!

The words for this week were Pattern and Brown.

How did you interpret them?

Pattern


Brown

Yum!

(Bringing In The New Year)

Drunk and Drunker


Arab Man

We still don't know what was up with his costume... or the green shoes.

Oh For Pete's Sake


Like An Irishman


Party Pooper


That's Better


(Artsy Pictures)

GQ


On The Floor


The words for next week are:

Strange
and
Black

I think we've officially run out of colors. Any ideas for a new theme?

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.