Happy New Half Of The Year!

Today at noon, the year officially rolled over into its second half. Can you believe that? To celebrate, we're going to be recapping resolutions and confessing whether we've managed to stick to them or not. For those who would rather not participate (chicken shits), there's a gigantic chocolate fountain in the back. I hope you brought your bathing suit! Please, no cannonballs in the shallow end.

TINK'S 2008 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS:

1. Don't die. (Well die eventually, just not this year.)
Check. Although, I think I died a little when I heard Jamie Lynn's baby wasn't born with two heads. Where's the justice anymore?

2. Don't kill anyone. (Unless they're really asking for it.)
Check. But if I don't get my refund from the Hilltop soon, that may change.

3. Keep your sanity. (I will guard this last marble with my life.)
Check. It seems I'm adding and then subtracting marbles daily. We'll come back to this one when the wedding is closer.

4. Walk more. (Instead of scooting across the office in your chair yelling, "Weeee!")
Does pacing count? If so, check!

5. Buy new clothes. (Well, if you insist.)
How did I forget this resolution?! I'm going out to fulfill this one tonight.

6. Take up a new dirty habit to replace smoking. (Like gardening... Or crack.)
What is... Etsy, ITunes, Boba, and Yahoo Answers.

7. Create a new slang word and see if it sticks. ("Yo Blo." BLO: the shorthand of Blogger. Also referred to as a Homebloy.)
Oh yeah Homebloys. So I only have one other person saying it *cough*Newt*cough*. But that's one more than I had in January! Progress baby, progress.

8. Spread some love through the Blogosphere.
Aw. Do you feel loved yet? What if I bribe you with goodies during the upcoming PB Contest?

3rd Annual Blog Header Showdown Recap:
(Say that ten times fast)
As you can see, "Peeking" was the winner. I think saying it won by a "long shot" would be an understatement. The final statistics were:

Peeking- 74.4%
Bullshittier- 11.6%
What's For Blog- 14%

Thanks to everyone who voted! Without you, well, this place would suck.

Sudden Death Match

Despite having "sudden" in the title, this match will go on for two and a half days, starting today at 5pm (EST) and ending on Sunday at midnight. One of these contestants has an amazing lead, which almost caused me to cancel the sudden death match entirely. But tradition is tradition folks, and I'd like to give the people who voted for the other three contestants a chance to make this one count. So for your voting pleasure, here are the top three contenders:

(Click For Larger View)

Peeking

Bullshittier

It's What's For Blog


VOTE HERE!

Please, only vote ONCE. If you'd like to see the poll results, you can go here.

In Other News:
1. The cleaning lady wasn't fired! In fact, she came in yesterday with her nine year old daughter and made the little girl apologize to my coworker. I'm not sure who was more mortified. "I was afraid I was going to make her cry!" My coworker told me afterward. I only wish I'd been around to see my post-it-note pen pal. I'm thinking of leaving her a small present, via her Mother. Whatcha think?
2. I would like to clarify that the coworker who was vandalized was NOT the same coworker in the conversation on Wednesday. But for those who were curious, the last coworker is 31 years old. I'm thinking of putting a globe in this year's Christmas gift exchange.
3. Hoop called our original wedding location yesterday to see if they'd mailed out our check yet. I was getting worried, seeing as they'd told us it was in the mail two weeks ago. Come to find out, they hadn't. Why am I surprised at this?!

Random Conversation:
(On the phone)
Tink: Hi, I was just calling to update some information.
Wedding Cake Lady: OK?
Tink: Our wedding venue has changed. We found out a few weeks ago that the coordinator had overbooked the place.
Wedding Cake Lady: Oh no! That's horrible!
Tink: Tell me about it. But we found a new location and I'm going to need to have the cake delivered there instead.
Wedding Cake Lady: Not a problem.
Tink: Also, my cellphone number has changed-
Wedding Cake Lady: -OK.
Tink: I should probably mention that those two are totally unrelated.
Wedding Cake Lady: *Laughs* I was afraid to ask!
Tink: Yeah, I'm not hiding from them or anything.
Wedding Cake Lady: I thought maybe you had punched that coordinator.
Tink: Oh I wanted to. But then how would we ever get our money back?

Have a fantastic weekend Homebloys!

Office Alien

Six months ago, the staffing agent for our warehouse handed out perfume samples to us office ladies. Most of the samples were used up or thrown out within the first month. But one sample, which I'd placed on my filing cabinet and forgot, evaporated and then sat empty. I came into work yesterday morning to find it resting on my keyboard with a note. "Can I have?" The note said in scribbly handwriting. I thought it was a joke. "Mike, did you leave a note on my desk?" I asked the office prankster. "Why would I do that?" He replied with genuine confusion.

"Well you're always screwing with my chair." "Yeah, but that's funny. If that note IS a joke, it's not a very good one." Touche. So I questioned the other office ladies. "I had a note on my desk too!" One of them exclaimed. I went over to her cube, where she pointed to a scrap of paper with the words "U R POOP" scribbled on it in blue highlighter. "Not only that," she added, "But there were pins stuck in my sweater sleeve." "Maybe we pissed off the cleaning lady?" I suggested. "Maybe one of the bosses brought in their kid?" The receptionist piped in. We all shrugged it off and went back to work.

All day I thought of those notes. "What if mine wasn't a joke?" I thought. So I put the bottle back on the filing cabinet, with the note, and a reply post-it that said "Sure." To be perfectly honest, I didn't expect anything to come of it. Then I came in this morning to find the bottle gone. "Holy shit." I thought, feeling as if I'd just made contact with alien life. Then I turned around and saw the note. "Thank u nice lady!" Was written in the middle, surrounded by crooked smiley faces. Above that note was another, in more familiar handwriting. "I did not right this note. Mike."

I resisted the urge to correct his spelling. It was excusable when it was the alien. No one would expect IT to be a master of our language. But I expected more from our forty-something year old sales manager. "Did anyone else get a note?" I asked the office ladies again. The coworker from the day before rolled out from her cube looking angry. "No," she said. "Worse." Someone (or thing) had scribbled red highlighter all over her phone and taken an ink stamp to her desk. I was shocked. Obviously the alien didn't like her very much. Maybe it had seen the photos of my dogs and found me to be nonthreatening. Her fuzzy sweater was a little scary looking.

Later that day she popped into my office. "I talked to the warehouse manager." "Oh?" "He says our cleaning lady has three little girls. I think we know who our culprits are now." So, no aliens. But that didn't stop me from feeling a slight fondness for our mystery guests anyway. There was apprehension in there too. I was a nosy kid once. What else were these kids looking through? "He talked to the cleaning agency," she added before leaving. "They had no idea she was bringing her kids to work with her. They promised to take care of the situation."

I guess there won't be anymore notes. It's a shame, really. They actually brought a little excitement to my day. I feel bad for their Mom too. There's probably nowhere for her little ones to go, what with school being out and the economy being the way it is. The kids were just being kids, bored and mischievous. I remember my Dad taking me to work during the summer. He built fences. I tried so hard to be good. But sometimes I just couldn't take the waiting anymore. I wonder if anyone ever tattled on me for drawing on the back of their fence, or if they just admired the work and wondered where it the world (ahem, universe) it came from.

Around The Water Cooler:
Coworker: Did you hear that Japan has nukes pointed at us?
Tink: Yeah, that's old news.
Coworker: I don't see why everyone is so worried. They'd probably hit one of those countries in between us first.

3rd Annual Blog Header Showdown Update:
Peeking- 60.5%
Bullshittier- 9.3%
It's What's For Blog- 14%
A Few Good Sporks- 4.7%
Pink Tink- 4.7%
Pouty Tink- 7%

Don't forget to VOTE!

Two For One Special

WEEKLY WORD CHALLENGE 41!

The words for this week were Front and Back.

How did you interpret them?

Front

Here's the front of our ceremony location.

Back

Here's the back.

(Random Pictures)

Caterpillar


"Ahhhh! Quit bugging me!"

The words for next week are:
Raw
and
Finished

And that concludes our theme of WWC Flickr group word suggestions. But don't let that stop you from submitting more! We're going to do this again soon. If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details.

Happy snapping!

*************************************************************
3RD ANNUAL BLOG HEADER SHOWDOWN!

In the left corner, three new contestants:
(Click For Larger View)

Peeking

Bullshittier

It's What's For Blog


In the right corner, three old contestants:
(Click For Larger View)

A Few Good Sporks

Pink Tink

Pouty Tink


Who will win when they go head to head in the first round of the show down?

VOTE HERE!

Da Rules:
1. Please, only vote ONCE. If you'd like to see the poll results, you can go here.
2. The poll ends this Friday at 5pm (Eastern Time).
3. The top three contestants will compete in a Sudden Death match over the weekend with the winner being announced on Monday.

P.S. "I Heart Etsy" will return next Tuesday.

Delayed On Account Of Stupidity

The 3rd Annual Blog Header Showdown will start tomorrow, and not today as originally stated. We were without power for most of the weekend and it was all my fault. As I was blow drying my hair Saturday morning, the power went out. Oddly, it didn't dawn on me to think that the two might have anything to do with each other. No. My conclusion was that we were experiencing a brownout. Hoop checked the breakers, but not thoroughly. Because, as I'd told him, we were having electrical problems. So what was the point? It would be back up soon.

Fast forward to last night. -Do you like how I did that? You didn't even have to live through the torture of the whole thing! You're welcome.- Still no power. "Listen," Hoop finally confessed. "I've never heard of a brownout before. But I'm pretty sure our electricity should be back on by now." I had to agreed. "Maybe it's one of the GFCI outlets." I am so fucking brilliant. So we ran around the house looking for reset buttons to press. That's when we realized that our house only has ONE GFCI outlet, and it's not in either of the two bathrooms. Huh. Termites AND shoddy electric work.

After pressing the reset button of the lone GFCI outlet, the electricity still wasn't back on. That's when Hoop decided to go back out to the box. "Oh!" Came his muffled reply a minute later. "This breaker wasn't fully tripped!" Suddenly, the lights came back on. I couldn't decide whether I should be elated or pissed. "Yay!" I shouted, followed by "What the hell, Hoop? I had headers to make tonight!" His smile quickly turned to confusion. "But YOU said it was a brownout." And that's when I realized...

It's not always such a great idea to act like you know what you're talking about.

Because the one time someone decides to listen to you, you're going to be wrong.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Wouldn't you say that I'm a pretty independent person?
Hoop: ...Sure you are.
Tink: Why did you hesitate?
Hoop: I didn't hesitate.
Tink: You did to! What, you don't think I'm independent?
Hoop: You're always asking for help.
Tink: With what?
Hoop: The laundry, the dishes, the yard-
Tink: *Smacks Hoop's arm*
Hoop: What? It's TRUE.

TOMORROW: WWC and the start of the 3rd Annual Blog Header Showdown. Yeah, both. I know, I'm crazy. My head is going to blow up one of these days. Btw, don't forget to get your MS Button below if you've participated in Newt and OneDaisy's Fundraiser.

Now With Four Exclamation Points!!!!

As promised in yesterday's post, anyone who contributes to Newt and OneDaisy's MS Fundraiser (or has contributed to ANY MS fundraiser in the last month) can take one of the nifty spork awards below. Thanks to you and all you do!


MS Supporter Award (Small)
<a href="http://feetsoffancy.blogspot.com/"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 185px;" height="105" alt="" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3042/2596387634_e6f9223c40_o.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>


MS Supporter (Large)
<a href="http://feetsoffancy.blogspot.com/"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px;" alt="" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3042/2596387634_e6f9223c40_o.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>
(You can thank Hoop for the suggestion of the red, white, and blue sweatband and hoodie. Hehe.)

After MUCH delay, Twisted (Tink) has finally been updated with a new chapter, "Prophecy's End." It's one of the last chapters of this story! I'm not sure how I feel about that. I thought I'd be more excited. Click on over and tell me what you think. Comments, critiques, and suggestions are always welcome. Tomato throwing is not.

Have a great weekend Homebloys!

Something Else

I realize I've been kind of negative lately, what with talk of termites, wedding woes, and gripes about America. I'm not going to do that today...

I just thought I'd let you know.

Shit That Rocks

1. Two of our fellow bloggers (and personal friends of mine), Newt and OneDaisy, are trying to raise money for MS. They're going to put those cute feet of theirs to work and they need some sponsors! No donation is too small. Have a heart, click over to Feets Of Fancy. A special spork-themed award to anyone who participates.

2. My company's key account manager and I had geared up all morning for yet another long, boring webinar. But just as the conference was starting, and I had wondered aloud whether we even needed to be there, the webinar went down. "Maybe we should wait?" I asked. But the KAM was already shutting things off. "Looks like no webinar today!" He replied cheerfully. Before I'd even had a chance to move from my chair, he was out the door. "Where are you going?" I asked him. "Fishing!" And he was serious! Thank God for Florida living.

3. This place:

Obviously, since I don't own a helicopter, I did not take this picture. But it's beautiful, isn't it? Somewhere down there is Hoop's and my ceremony location. I should have pictures of it specifically in the next two weeks. Yay!

4. "The Story Of Stuff", an awesome website that Mike sent me to. The video is 20 minutes long, but well worth it. My Mom actually thanked me for sending it to her and plans on incorporating it into an article she's writing for her business website. You should check it out. It may just change your life.

Tell me some other shit that rocks.

Weekly Words Challenge 40!

The words for this week were Chaos and Mystery.

How did you interpret them?

Chaos

I was pulling up to the mall last Friday, when out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a large dog. What it turned out to be instead was a large boar! I was the first one to notice him. So I pulled up slowly (thank God for my quiet car) and snapped a couple of pictures before the crowd formed. By the time I pulled away, there were at least ten people and five cars vying for a look at him. You would have thought a celebrity was in town. Fortunately, the boar didn't seem to notice or care. Boars are notoriously mean and won't hesitate to charge at someone.

Mystery

What the hell is wrong with this orange? Did it cannibalize it's twin?

(Random Pictures)

Bloom At Noon


Dragonfly


Dragonfly 2


Eternally Yours


Blesser Of Birds


Old Door


The words for next week are:
Front
and
Back

Originally, this was supposed to be the last week for the WWC Flickr group word suggestions. But then I found two more that I really liked. So we won't be starting a new theme until July 1st. If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details.

Happy snapping!

Daily Etsy Pick:
Seahorse Earrings
Blackboard Magnetic Coasters
Sushi Messenger Bag

WTF Etsy?:
Bride and Squirrel
Guitar Pick Chandelier
Obama Head Soap

Crack Tea With Balls

This may come as a shock to none some of you, but I happen to have an addictive personality. The first time someone told me this, I thought it was a compliment. Like, "Aw, they're addicted to me! Isn't that sweet?" My date promptly corrected me... right after I made some dumbass comment about them needing to make Tinkorette gum. The point is, it wasn't so obvious to me then. Sure, I dabbled in illegal substances when I was young. But that never developed into a habit. Then there were cigarettes, coffee, and Pez. Oh how I loved those little candy bricks. But not the yellow ones, they tasted like Pledge.

Pez was later replaced with Zebra gel pens and cigarettes with ITunes. At one time I loved the game Creatures. That bled into Creature game forums, which lead to blogging (hey Homebloys!), which collected sites like Etsy, Facebook, and Neopets. I've since realized that I have an addiction problem. If there is the slightest possibility that I might really like something new, I try to stay away from it. But apparently, my addiction has adapted, grown legs, and attached itself to things I would have never dreamt of liking. Like Boba. Do you know what this stuff is? It's the crack of the tea world.

The first time I bought one of these drinks I handed it back to the guy and said, "Uh. There's something in the bottom of my drink, man." To be honest, it looked like rabbit poop. I wasn't going to allow my brain to process the thought to my mouth though. "Is Boba!" The Swede behind the counter laughed. "You know, bubbles?" "Those are NOT bubbles." Who was he trying to fool? "No, no. Tapioca balls." Oh great, now they're balls?! Then he made a motion with his mouth as if sucking a straw, which might have been a little obscene. "You eat balls!" He handed me back the drink. I stared at the straw, suddenly noticing how large it was.

"Oh-kay." So I drank until something gummy and round popped through the straw opening. Then I chewed it. My first reaction was total disgust. There should not be gummy balls in my milk tea! But the texture grew on me, as did the strange nutty taste (no pun intended). I threw the empty cup away later thinking, "Well, that was interesting." Little did I know, the drink had already worked over my addictive personality. Now I can't go to the mall without making a beeline for the Boba shop. Have any of you experienced this wonderful/horrible drink? Are you convinced it's laced with crack too?

*Ok, I just read over this post and I can't decide whether it is overly sexually suggestive or just really disturbing. So I'm not going to end on that note. I also have a growing addiction to Yahoo Answers. Let me tell you, there are some bizarre questions out there. There are also some really good questions too. *Digs toe in dirt* Yeah, that's my question. If that isn't enough of an indication, we found another venue for our wedding! Yay! It's beautiful (facing a marsh) and completely secluded (we'll be the only wedding allowed there that day). We also found active termites in our bathroom yesterday. @#?$! Details to come.

How was your weekend?

Very Big Show

As I mentioned a few posts ago, it's almost time for the 3rd Annual Summer Extravaganza! For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, I've included links to last year's celebration with the schedule of events below.

June 23rd - June 27th: Blog Header Showdown
Six blog headers, three contestants from last year against three new contestants for this year, duke it out in a battle royale for the rights to this blog. The three with the highest votes on Friday will face off in a sudden death match over the weekend. The winning header will be named on Monday and placed on it's throne, where it will sit for the remainder of the year in Pickled Beef glory. Exciting, no?

July 1st (Tuesday): Happy New Half Of The Year!
The celebration to commemorate the first half of 2008 will begin at noon, when the second half of 2008 officially makes an appearance. Bring your bathing suit. We're going to have a chocolate fountain!

July 18th (Friday): PB Contest
Five sets of five trivia questions about this blog posted at 9am, 1pm, 5pm, midnight, and once randomly (Eastern time) for PRIZES. Last year's winners were given the choice of a mailed goodie bag or a personal post. Don't miss out! The questions aren't too hard. I even allow cheating!

July 25th (Friday): Hoop Day
The third anniversary of the day Hoop discovered my blog. We usually celebrate with a guest post, or an interview, or a list of my favorite Hoop conversations of the year. One can never tell. But either way, it's bound to be a good time.

*EDIT* Yeah, I'm a dope. It's only the 2nd anniversary of Hoop finding this blog. I got stuck on the threes.

July 30th (Wednesday): Arabella Day
A celebration of some very important people... YOU. The holiday started out as a guest post for my good friend Arabella during the first Pickled Beef contest. She enjoyed it so much that I (jokingly) said that I would make it a yearly thing. Well, it stuck. Since then, we've used the occasion to rejoice in one another. The rules are simple, say something about the person who commented before you, even if it's just about their nice tits. The chain breaks at midnight (Eastern time).

Have a great weekend Homebloys!

P.S. I'm working on a new Twisted (Tink) chapter for next week. For those still reading, I'm sorry for the delay. Things have been, well... CRAZY, for lack of a better word. Bear with me!

America The Sellout

I would like you all to join me in a collective scream.


Thank you.

It's been a bad day.

The family that runs the distributor I work for has decided not to pay our health insurance anymore. They're probably going to use the money to buy another BMW instead. Or maybe one of their homes in the country club needs a new pool. That large bow-tie shaped one is soooo outdated. I bet one of their gajillion kids (they're Catholic) needs a solid gold retainer. Whatever the reason, I'm sure it's not good enough. The "free" health insurance, if you didn't count the copay and limits, was the last shining perk of this job. Now it's gone. Gone like the Mastodons.

If you subtract what I'll be paying for it a week, on top of what I'm paying for gas, divided by the number of hours I work and the ten hours I commute a week... Yeah, I'm making the same pay as a Wal-Mart employee. Only, Wal-Mart provides free vests and a friendly cult-like atmosphere. All my company provides is a dicKtatorship and a motto of "You'll do anything for job security!" And how. Our parent company announced in the news yesterday that they might be selling-out to Belgium. For years they've drilled it into our heads that they're superior because they're American Owned.

"Born Here! Brewed Here!"

As an employee, I was constantly bombarded with statistics on why I should be proud to work for this company. "The SAB in SABMiller stands for South African Brewed, dontcha know? 68% of their profits go outside the U.S. 100% of our profits stay in the states. Don't you love your country? Support this company because we support America! Buy American goods!" To which I say now, find me something that's American made and I'll buy it. I love the idea of America, much like I love the idea of fat-free ice cream that tastes good. Ideas like that usually fall short in reality.

America has disappointed me.

There, I said it. Bring on the torches. We're like the young hotshot who walks into the board meeting expecting everyone to listen. We're the bully. We think we're beautiful, powerful, rich, better. So it must be so. I can only imagine what other countries must think. Do they sit in the back of the room, older, wiser, and whisper "Who DO they think they are?" Do they humor us just because they have to, or is it because they can't wait to see us fall flat on our faces? Here's my confession. I'm not all that proud to be an American right now. I'm a little ashamed, actually.

If I could, I would scoop everyone up -the poor, the proud, the determined, the scared, the regular Joe's just trying to get by- and build a country worth putting faith into. It's a shame that all these good souls are out fighting for this country, and there's going to be so little of OUR country left by the time they get back. "N.Y. Landmarks for Sale to Foreigners?" Where did we go wrong? "Sale Of An American Icon." Is it too late to turn around? "Stocks Turn Mixed As Oil Prices Rise." Because America? I want to believe. I do. So, I'll be leaving a light on... Just in case.

In Other (Lighter) News: We got our deposit back!!

Weekly Words Challenge 39!

The words for this week were Peekaboo and Dirty.

How did you interpret them?

Peekaboo

AKA: Cheese Striptease.



Dirty




(Random Pictures)

Knobby


Little Black Slug


The words for next week are:
Chaos
and
Mystery

The words for the next two weeks will be chosen from the member suggestions on the WWC Flickr group. If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details. Happy snapping!

Daily Etsy Pick:
Love-O-Meter Pendant
Booger Tissue Holder
Glum Ninja Twins

WTF Etsy?:
Armadillo Road Kill Tea Bag Holder
"Fear Of Leaving" Sculpture
Dinky Finger Puppets (Mature)

Wedding Hell

Saturday afternoon, Hoop and I went to finalize the details of our wedding at the restaurant hosting our ceremony/reception. I'd diligently written a list of questions the night before, determined not to leave anything out. The moment we arrived, I felt uneasy. The coordinator, Bridget, looked all of seventeen. "Let me show you the upstairs room," she said airily. "We don't need to see it," I said. "We've already booked it. For the eighth of November?" Red flags were popping up in my head. I willed her to remember. "Oh!" She replied, looking confused. She took us upstairs anyway.

"I have a question about the seating," I started off. Originally, we were told this room could seat seventy-five. Then we were told only sixty. I was wondering if that was the max capacity of the room? Does that include the servers and the DJ?" "You don't have to feed your guests if you don't want to." She answered. I tried again. "No, we WANT to feed them. I was just trying to figure out how many people we could invite." "Um..." It was obvious she had no idea what I was asking. "We don't have a fire code or anything. But it would probably be too crowded to have a dance floor if you invited sixty people."

"Are you serious?" My throat was starting to constrict. "I wish someone had told us this before we reserved the room." Trying to diffuse the situation, Bridget took us back into her tiny office to look over the calendar. "Unfortunately, these other two rooms are booked. This one has a reception at four-" "-At four?" Hoop interjected. "But... Won't that conflict with our ceremony? They'd have to walk through where we're having it to get to their room." "Oh!" Bridget gasped. "Well, that's not going to work! Who booked this?"

"YOU booked this," Hoop snapped. "I booked it with you on the phone about two months ago." I was starting to feel dizzy. "Can we just go home?" I pleaded with Hoop. "You could always change your date." The girl suggested, pointing at the next weekend. "But we've already ordered the cake and the flowers and the favors-" I answered weakly. "That's not going to work," Hoop replied. "We've already put in for the next week off and booked a cruise." Bridget shrugged and looked at me pityingly. "You could always have the ceremony at 4:30." Great. Right as the Saturday dinner crowd is arriving.

I suddenly had a vision of what the place would look like with two ceremonies, three receptions, and a normal dinner crowd all going on at the same time. Would anyone even know which party they belonged to? I begged Hoop again to go home. I wanted to leave before I cried. There was no way I was going to let this little ignorant girl push me overboard. It was either cry or leap across the room and beat her with her own toothpick arm. That's doesn't make me a Bridezilla, does it? I suddenly understood my florist's reaction when I'd told her where we were getting married.

"Oh, the Hilltop." Said as if it were a synonym of "puke" or "herpes". "What's wrong?" My Mom had asked, suddenly going very white. "Nothing," Quick recovery. "It's just... They have a slight problem with double booking or overbooking their venues. You just make sure they do things right by you." I blew it off as just a bad experience. How could a lovely place like that, which makes most of it's revenue from weddings, possibly screw this up? So here I am, four and a half months to go, looking for a new location for our ceremony and reception.

Thank God I hadn't made the invitations yet! Just cross your fingers these assholes give us our deposit back. While you're at it, cross your other fingers that the rest of this goes smoothly. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Remember, I wanted to elope! Poor Hoop. Last night, as he was falling asleep, he mumbled into my hair. "I knew the moment that girl opened her mouth that she was going to ruin my weekend. I just knew it. That's why I was so mad." Well I'm glad he has this whole thing in perspective. Maybe I could learn a thing or two from him.

Miss Ya, May

May Hit Statistics:
1. The top referrers were Five Star Friday and Alien.
2. The most used search term was, "i hate elves."
3. The most mature search term was, "talking pussy."
4. The most bizarre search term was, "spiky piss stuffer."
5. My favorite search term was "20 reason to yell oh crud."
6. The highest hit post (210) was on May 6th, the 34th edition of the WWC, with a theme of three and fire.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. I went to a male burlesque once...
2. ...and then begged the strippers NOT to touch me.
3. There was something gross about those over-muscular, oily men with their long girlish hair.
4. I watched my friend and her Mom get a lap dance, and then I scooted into the corner of our L-shaped booth so the strippers couldn't "get" me.
5. I don't know what I'd expected. But whatever it had been, it wasn't watching a bunch of knock-off Fabios kissing ladies (ON THE MOUTH!) while they shoved crumpled bills into their banana hammocks.
6. It's a miracle I don't need therapy.
7. Maybe I DO need therapy!
8. I've decided to name my new car Squirrel Killer.
9. I actually had a squirrel run into the side of my car yesterday. It was fine. It just rolled off and then ran away. But still! That's two squirrels in less than a month.
10. I think having a car this quiet is actually a liability.
11. Today it's squirrels. Tomorrow it'll be stupid people on bicycles.
12. I don't like mac-n-cheese, breakfast, pumpkin pie, boiled peanuts, Ramen noodles, or sweet potatoes.
13. Hoop says this makes me un-American.
14. I have a horrible sense of geography.
15. In order to understand where places are in the world, Hoop has to relate everything to me in the form of a game.
16. Usually Risk. As in, "Do you remember where I destroyed your army last time?"
17. Surprisingly, I have a pretty up-to-date knowledge of what's going on in the world though.
18. You can thank CNN for that, and for depressing the hell outta me each and every morning.
19. Ever since Hoop started buying old Garbage Pail Kids cards, I can't stop thinking up parodies.
20. Like Turdies (Furbies), My Lil Homeys (My Little Ponies) -or My Lil Stonies! See? That one just came to me.- and Wedgie Tales (Veggie Tales).
21. I hate science fiction novels that use "old speak".
22. There is nothing more annoying that having to weed through a dozen "my lady(s)", "my sweet(s)", "doth(s)", "fare thee(s)" and "shall we(s)" just to get to the heart of another crappy story about elves and dwarfs.
23. Also, while I'm ranting, you can only describe someone as having cool brown eyes and as being "of average height" so many times before I want to scream.
24. In the last year and a half I've bought two books from aspiring science fiction writers that have both fallen into that same awful trap.
25. The first book spent an entire page describing a table!
26. They say patience can be acquired...
27. ...I think in actuality, you just go numb.
28. I used to think that I'd rather go deaf than blind...
29. ...But then I bought an IPod.
30. My Mom and I agree that Gmail is more professional than Yahoo...
31. ...and that Hotmail is like the slutty third sister.
*32. It's been hard to concentrate today. I finally mapped out the dates for the 3rd Annual PB Summer Extravaganza and I can't wait to get started.
*33. As some of you might remember from last year, the Summer Extravaganza consists of a contest (with prizes!), a Header Showdown (poll), the anniversary of Hoop finding out about this blog, the celebration of the halfway point of the year, and Arabella day.
*34. October may be my favorite month. But July is my favorite month for blogging. It's going to be better than ever this year Homebloys.

Have a great weekend!

Angora Goat

When someone gives you an award for saying something quotable, it's important not to sound like a total dumbass in your acceptance post. Which explains why I drew a blank this afternoon when trying to think of clever ways to say how honored I am to receive these...

(Click 'em; they're links)

...from Musing over at Blogtations, possibly one of the most addictive sites EVER. This said by the chick who spends several hours a week on Etsy, Facebook, Flickr, and Neopets. Yes, I said Neopets. I happen to like the games on there, oh-kay?

While I was sitting here, staring at my empty post and waiting for a muse, something strange happened. I heard beeping. For a moment I wondered if it was all in my head. No one else in the office had even paused from what they were doing to listen to it. Maybe, I thought, I had finally pushed my brain too far and it was just warning me that it was shutting down for good. "Hey! Hey you! I thought you might like to know that you have approximately two minutes before I turn out the lights. Thanks again for the free room and board."

Then I came to my senses, got out of my chair and followed the sound to the dying smoke alarm across the room. "Is anyone going to do anything about this?" I asked the four strapping young men at the main desk. One of them climbed up on the counter, removed the batteries and then climbed back down again. "Problem solved," he said while plopping the warm batteries in my hand. Just peachy. I wonder how many other alarms they've "fixed" in just the same way. Reminder to brain (who has, in fact, NOT vacated yet): Don't keep important things at work anymore.

After I came back to my desk there was still the matter of coming up with a clever post. Maybe I could turn something that rhymes with "quote" into a witty title! No seriously, this was an actual thought. So I looked up the word "quote" in the rhyming dictionary. Did you even know such a thing existed? These were the suggestions it gave me: Angora goat, banana boat, cereal oat, raw throat, mackinaw coat, straw vote, root beer float. Wow. Having a rhyming dictionary is even LESS useful than I thought it would be.

So now that I have blatantly wasted your time and completely strayed from the subject of this post... Go! Check out Musing's blog. You won't be disappointed. Maybe if you're lucky and get an award for saying something clever, YOU won't make a total ass out of yourself during your acceptance post. At the very least, don't mention that you have an unhealthy obsession with a site that features virtual pets for little kids. Even if your "pet" is a cute little red Grundo wearing flaming shoes named Luki. Aw. Thanks again Musing!

Weekly Words Challenge 38!

The words for this week were Heavy and Light.

How did you interpret them?

Heavy
(Following two are from the archives.)




Light




(Beach Pictures)

I Heart...


I Heart [My Name]

Aw.

The words for next week are:
Peekaboo
and
Dirty

The words for the next three weeks will be chosen from the member suggestions on the WWC Flickr group. If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details. Happy snapping!

Daily Etsy Pick:
Being Tricksey
Puzzle Piece Frames
Look To The Skies

WTF Etsy?:
Crappy Necklace
Meat-Sport Flip Book
Freaky Sleep Mask

Southern Fried

Weekend Recap:
1. I got tons of color this weekend.
2. Unfortunately, it was the wrong color.
3. It looks like I'm wearing a white bikini... when I'm naked.
4. Hoop was so uncomfortable looking at my skin that he had to administer the aloe with his eyes closed.
5. Hoop's paternal family came to stay Friday night, and then moved on to the drinking village Saturday morning. I never realized how difficult it is to house six people, especially when four are not part of a couple.
6. A big chunk of Friday night was spent arguing over sleeping arrangements. Hoop and I wanted Nanny to get our room, Aunt D to get the guest room with her daughter L, Dad to get the air mattress in the computer room, and for us to take the gigantic couch.
7. But I forgot what a bunch of martyrs Hoop's family is. Everyone thought he or she deserved the most uncomfortable spot, including Hoop's elderly Grandmother!
8. Further evidence of this: Hoop's Dad mowed our lawn while we were at work...
9. ...in 95 degree weather!
10. It wasn't because he was disgusted by our maintenance skills either. He just wanted to do something nice.
11. One of the oddest parts of the weekend was when the family attempted to drink our filtered tap water. They all swore that it tasted like sulfur. Hoop and I, try as we might, couldn't taste anything wrong.
12. Even at restaurants they said the soda tasted like sulfur. "It must be because of the ice cubes."
13. Then Hoop's Dad drank from a bottle of water and said, "This tastes like sulfur too!"
14. OK, we said, now you're just screwing with us.
15. But then we looked at the back of the bottle. "Source: Ginnie Springs." Which just so happens to be located two hours from our house!
16. Go figure.
17. Saturday night, the six of us piled into ONE hotel room.
18. I can't even begin to describe the crowdedness of that room. Let's just say, I got closer to Hoop's family than I ever expected I would. ;)
19. Sunday morning, we went to the beach. Which, of course, leads me back to the beginning of this post.
20. I put on sunscreen all day! But it didn't matter. Apparently, the only thing I've gotten acclimated to is our nasty water. Now I'm off to nurse my aching skin.

What did you do this weekend?

Tomorrow: The WWC!
Wednesday or Thursday: Good-bye Month